Bonnie Becoming

Wedding Planning

2012-02-13T01:45:00.000-08:00

I want to start blogging more especially after I'm a newlywed in Korea. So I was looking into a redesign of the blog and I like these new templates. It makes it easy to read posts from the past. I have been reading them for an hour. How fun to look back! I documented so much and now feel bad that I've barely written anything about the fact that I'm getting married! I've been looking forward to this time my whole life.....let's just say that planning a wedding is different than I ever imagined. It is HARD WORK! So many decisions, emotions, money, time....and I've been doing it without a present fiance. I enjoyed the crafty parts usually (I've made lots of stuff for the wedding) but all in all, it's been very stressful. Not to mention that I'm also moving more permanently to Korea, so sorting through stuff and deciding what to take and how to get it all over there has been a job in itself.

In the past few months I've generally just felt very weird. Mixtures of different emotions at the same time and I can never describe how I'm really feeling. Excited, freaked, sad, grateful, stressed, blessed, depressed, lonely, loved. So strange. I get the most freaked when I think how fast everything is approaching and I think "is this really happening? My actual wedding is happening in 2 weeks?!" What the. I mean, I have most things taken care of. I started working on things long ago, so now it's the last minute details that seem never ending. You don't foresee your dress taking 5 alterations appointments to be made right! Oh sorry, I have a pronounced hour glass figure that makes the dress have wrinkles. NOT MY PROBLEM LADY!

I have been feeling distant from the Lord as I have been working on everything. Tonight at church I was reminded that Jesus at the center of your heart and head pervades all else that you're dealing with. It's not about having a perfect event, it's about getting married to a glorious man under God. I was reminded where I once was, and where the Lord has brought me and the JOY and THANKFULNESS that rushes through me when I realize all the change that has taken place in my life and the BLESSING that is Sungsoo. All because of Jesus and the forgiveness, faithfulness, love, grace and hope that he brings. We want our wedding to bring glory to Christ. That is all that matters.

I'm getting so excited to see my Sunny. Even though I haven't seen him in so long, it still doesn't seem like the time should be so close. But it is! 9 days. I'm gonna hug him, kiss him and never let go of his hand.

A Peek into our Engagement

2011-11-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking it will be fun to blog more once I'm married and am a desperate housewife in Korea. But I realized that I'm also kind of a desperate yakunja (fiance) in America now! People think I'm crazy sometimes when I tell them my story with Sunny. What? You've only been in his physical presence for 2.5 weeks since dating and now you're engaged and actually moving to Korea?? Yep I say sheepishly. Most people don't have this reaction and they love our story. But even I am overcome with this craziness sometimes. The craziest part being that we won't see each other til our wedding week and 7 months will have passed since we saw each other before that.

We are in a pretty pathetic missing each other stage where we pout and sulk when we have to say goodbye on Skype. He is getting handsomer (word?) every time I look at him. If only I could touch! Innocently of course :) We have been taking this Preparing for Marriage class through my church. I go to the class and he listens to the audio files and then we do the homework together. It has been so beneficial and opens up new and very honest conversation every week. This has helped our communication to escalate- not that it's always easy. I literally thought we had gone back to square one the other day when I doubted if he could even understand a lick of English (I was in a hostile mood and had a lot on my mind!) I was apparently keeping my roommate up by speaking so loudly and slowly into the computer speaker! I can be so impatient sometimes and he sweetly waits for me to cool it. Sunny is a processor like me, and isn't ignoring me when he doesn't jump into an answer but is formulating something beautiful and thoughtful that makes me hide my tail between my legs!

He brings out this side of me that is very new- I'm more direct with him (maybe because I'm so comfortable with him?) and don't hide anything. Maybe I'm just actually experiencing what healthy intimacy is? Or maybe this is also out of fear that he fully understands me because I'm putting a lot of faith in him for the unknowns of our relationship. At first when I sat in discussion group with all the couples from my marriage class group, I would be scared that all these couples were experiencing things that Sunny and I really can't before we get married. I have realized that I have to let these comparisons go. Sunny and I are a unique couple, as is every couple. We can preemptively pray for humility, wisdom, honesty and love in these unknown situations that will come up as newlyweds. I know I can prepare for some things, but not all things. Bottom line, we are doing all we can to prepare for this marriage and survive in the mean time!

Even through the barriers of two computer screens and an ocean, he is such a blessing and comfort to me. Just having someone there who loves me and is an intimate part of my life is amazing. Tonight after we had ended Skyping (a new verb!) for a few hours he got back on like 5 minutes later cause he wanted to pray for a friend of his together. In the time we had hung up and then he got back on, I had started crying like a fool cause I started thinking of my grandpa (I had a really vivid dream of him at my wedding last night). Sunny was gonna be late for work but just sat there and watched me cry and snot all over. He prayed for his friend and me, I cried some more and he waited some more. I felt as if he were right there. At least we are a couple of the 21st century and have the luxury of technology. Who am I kidding- he writes me snail mail anyway :)

Birthdays Remembered

2011-10-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

Woot, it's my birthday! I always get reflective on my birthday. This is the only birthday in my entire life where I will be engaged! What a year that lies ahead of me- getting married, moving, new job. New chapters in my life for sure. Right now I'm enjoying this blustery day. The other day I was trying to remember how far back I can remember my birthdays. Here goes.....

29- today. have the day off work. slept in. got a free pumpkin spice latte. journaled at the beach. cleaned. will shower. will go out with friends tonight starting with a happy hour at Tango, dinner theater watching The African Queen, and beers at the Sloop Tavern.

28- line dancing with friends

27- in Korea. dinner with friends at Our Place. Motorcycle ride with Adam Kalma in Gangnam.

26- not a good one. emotional anguish over a boy. but also fun times at Brower's with Mary, Jeremiah and Jake.

25- Day out in Seattle to the market for flowers and The Space Needle. Dessert and drinks at Tango.

24- my first in Seattle. Went to Chopstix with Chelsea, Bill and Evan. Nephew Ethan born 2 days later.

23- college party at the East Hawthorne house in Spokane

22- infamous college party in the West Hawthorne house in Spokane where friend Chelsea and Bill first met :) Received my last birthday gift and card from Grandma Riley. She died a week later.

21- legendary 21st surprise bday party with The Closet of Wonders. Enough said.

20- in Klamath Falls. horrible. had to work on my birthday at Fiorella's with pneumonia and a fresh bee sting on my foot.

19- first college bday party. a surprise party in my dorm with serenades from boys and all!

18- roller skating party with Mason and friends.

17- don't remember

16- went to church choir practice. mom brought a cake to Dairy Queen where all the youth group friends hung out after church

15- high school friends party with football game afterward

14- jr. high. don't totally remember. I was going out with Evan.

13- got my first really nice bra (purple). becky tried it on as a joke.

I'm sure if I saw pics of my elementary bdays I would remember them. But I do remember....

10- got my ears pierced and lots of earrings that year

8- first in Klamath Falls. lived in apartment

7- lived on humbolt street. had lots of girls over and mom did a penny hunt for us inside

6- on hoff road. don't remember

5- got fancy new dress and mom did my hair in pink curlers so it was really long and curly. jim and claire gave me a card with lots of nickels in slots. i thought i was rich!

Engaged!

2011-08-17T19:29:00.001-07:00

Remember the Season 7 premiere of Friends when Monica shouts from her balcony, "I'm engaged, I'm engaged!" ? I feel like that sometimes but mostly I'm still a little shocked! I can't believe this is actually happening- something I've waited for my whole life! I'm trying not to be overwhelmed with all that needs to happen in the next 6 months and just enjoy this time.

Sungsoo proposed on August 1, 2011 in Lincoln City, OR. We made a slight detour along the Oregon Coast on our way from Klamath Falls to Seattle. We started in Newport and then drove up 101 to Lincoln City making some stops along the way. The weather was gorgeous that day and Sungsoo was blown away by the vastness and beauty of the coast. We had dinner in a private little lounge with a view of the sea. It was quiet and private and very nice. Then we wanted to catch the sunset. So we pulled into the first beach we found. It was slightly crowded but we found our own little spot in front of a small cliff of rocks. It was really windy and Sunny was freezing! I was excited and calm anticipating what I was pretty sure was coming :) Sunny knew that all I wanted was a heartfelt, intimate proposal and that's what he gave me. We were curled under my sleeping bag and he said he wanted to give me something. He handed me this yellow journal (pretty thick) full of journal writings and prayers he has been writing for me since January. I was so touched and was just softly crying as I read some of the entries. He never ceases to amaze me with his gestures. Then there was a picture of him on a soccer field as a little boy and I lost it! He was so sweet! Who would have guessed that that little boy would grow to love a random, little chubby American girl? :)

Sunny then started saying beautiful words about our future and then asked, "Would you do me the honor of letting me be your husband? Would you do me the honor of being my wife? Bonnie, will you marry me?" I said yes confidently and hugged him and cried. We kissed and he slipped the ring on my finger. I looked down and was shocked and in total disbelief at this stunning ring! It is gorgeous and I love it more every time I look at it! I mostly just love that I know who I will be marrying- who I get to love. It's Sunny.

It's hard that Sungsoo and I can't be together to enjoy more of our engagement. We probably won't see each other again until our wedding which is so ridiculous it makes me laugh sometimes. But hopefully it will make our wedding day even sweeter! We are looking at late February for a wedding here in Seattle. The plans have begun! Woohoo!

My Sunny

2011-07-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

It’s hard to connect with everyone and share my heart regarding Sungsoo so I thought I’d let it all out in a blog post. I have been horrible about blogging this year. Work and interning have consumed me. But Sungsoo is worthy of a thousand pages written about him. I have never been so blessed by one single person in my life and I want to share about his character, our story, and who he is to me. I tend to get shy when people ask about him- I don’t fully know how to express with words all that he is to me and I hate to feel like I’m bragging! So here it is….my heart about Sungsoo.

Him

I would describe Sungsoo as selfless and humble. This is what I first noticed about him when we worked together at the Saturday Kid’s Club program I taught at in Seoul. He was running around helping everyone. Everyone went to Sungsoo for help. His heart wants to serve and to bless others and he will do this without question whether it means sacrificing his own time, resources, strength. We have both talked about our similar people-pleasing desires and how it can turn into a curse if you are not careful and wise, but mostly I am so proud and excited to work together with him in an effort to serve others. He is good at taking the initiative to do so that I sometimes miss. As I said earlier, I have certainly been blessed beyond belief by his efforts to share his heart with me. Even before we started dating, his emails were always honest, encouraging, and incredibly sweet. He doesn’t hide anything and wears his heart on his sleeve….and his heart is full of love for me and he shares that everyday whether it be through an email, a text, a call, a hand-written letter, a voicemail, a song. I have always longed for romance and he exceeds my hopes in this area…..across the ocean! I can’t count the times he has bought me flowers just because he knows how much joy they bring to me. The other day he stayed up all night making a slideshow for me. To some, these efforts might seem over the top, but anyone who knows him or has met him sees how genuine he is. He’s not just trying to impress or win me over. His actions are a true expression of his heart. Did I mention that he flew across the ocean to take a chance on our relationship, not fully knowing how I would respond? He sacrificed so much to take this leap of faith. And then he flew me across the ocean so we could spend some time together and I could meet his friends. And now he’s flying across the ocean again to meet the rest of my family. Can you imagine that? He is a teacher, not a rich man. But he sacrifices everything for me and takes on the loves and joys of my heart. He said he was up so late the other night just praying for my family. What a dear!

Sungsoo is also musical. He sings beautifully and plays the guitar. He has often played a song for me over Skype. He is sometimes embarrassed to say it, but he is also an amazing dancer! He used to dance A LOT in his younger years. Now his body just remembers his moves and I make him dance for me because it makes me so happy! (if you haven’t seen the facebook video, check it out!) If you don’t know, I am a sucker for pop music and boy bands- groups like N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears etc. To help learn English, Sungsoo listened to these songs back in the day and I secretly LOVE that we both listened to this music growing up at the same time, an ocean apart from each other J

Sungsoo is willing…..willing to try anything! I like to be active and adventurous and he is willing to do anything with me. He likes home and chilling out but I also never have to twist his arm to do anything with me. If I want to go to a museum, he will be right by my side, trying to be interested in whatever I’m interested in. And he makes an effort to plan things he knows I would love. We went to the most beautiful parks and hang outs when I visited him in May. I look forward to enjoying many more adventures to come with him!

Sungsoo is a hard-worker. He is the head teacher at his hagwon (private school in Korea) and many responsibilities come with that. He works such long hours (at times during the year, 7 days a week) to invest in his students and do a great job. Especially now that he is preparing for our future he does it without complaint. I probably complain more for him than he does! I know I can trust him and lean on him for anything and he will try his best to meet our needs.

Sungsoo is tender-hearted. He is so sensitive to my feelings, needs and desires. He feels what I feel and has so much compassion and empathy for others. I realize now that I really need a sensitive man to be with….not a “macho” dude that can’t relate to me emotionally. He is not afraid to cry or show his sensitive side. I absolutely LOVE this about him.

Sungsoo is not perfect (as none of us are) and he will be the first to say that. He will proclaim that all of his desires and efforts come from the working of Christ in his heart. This is what I trust the most about Sungsoo- that he is rooted in Jesus and runs to him for strength, wisdom, direction, everything and he gives God all the glory. This is what gives me the most confidence in who Sungsoo is and our relationship.

Our Story

I constantly marvel at how the heck Sungsoo and I are together. Never in a million years would I have imagined something like this. If you know me, you know how romantic and boy crazy I have always been growing up- thinking everyday how I would meet him, what he would be like, our story. I have made many mistakes and chased after the wrong kinds of men blindly thinking that maybe this one could be “the one.” I knew my year in Korea was going to be amazing before I went but I NEVER thought I would meet someone there. People warned me not to fall in love there and I thought, what a silly idea! So much happened that year and I grew immensely. The Lord worked in my heart in amazing ways and that was enough. To put the icing on the cake, he brought me Sungsoo at the very end of my time there.

I knew Sungsoo for 5 months but just during the last month and a half did our feelings for each other develop. He was such a source of compassion and comfort after my grandpa died. (I can’t think about it without crying). He reached out to me and we became close. Sungsoo shared his feelings for me at a Cold Stone and I couldn’t believe my ears. This amazing man feels this way about me- am I good enough, will I hurt him, I’m moving away, how could this work? I was so prayerful from the beginning desperately seeking direction. I felt peace with every step of that last month as we moved forward together. I read my journal from back then about how I just felt in my heart that he was the one for me but I couldn’t see how it would work out. I left Korea and there was a big question mark over our relationship. I was excited to be back home but I missed him. Sungsoo had a really hard time not knowing when we would see each other next. We drew apart from each other as our lives were in very different places. I see now how the Lord worked in our hearts at this time. For me some other doors were closed that I needed to discover. I eventually came to believe that we weren’t meant to be together.

Then somewhere out of the blue last November I found myself thinking about him a lot and my heart was longing for him. I felt the Lord telling me not to close this door. Around that time a good friend of his (Wooho) happened to be in Seattle and we met for lunch. I saw on a piece of paper that Wooho had printed out with directions on it, a message that Sungsoo wrote him about me (he didn’t know I would see it). “Please be kind to her, bless her, take care of her, let her know how much I miss her. She is so wonderful…have a good time with her.” I was so touched. We had a great conversation about Sungsoo and how amazing he is. This completely opened my heart to him again. Sungsoo and I started talking on Skype again more and more. I still had doubts but couldn’t deny this treasure of a man right before me with such affection for me. He surprised me and told me he bought a ticket to come see me. I was scared at first not knowing 100% how I felt. I didn’t want to hurt him- he was flying across the ocean just to see me for a few days for crying out loud! But as the time grew nearer, I was more and more excited to see him.

Our time in Seattle in February was so sweet. I really needed my friends to meet him and give some honest feedback. And they ADORED him! He was so great about answering their questions honestly and they all told me how genuine he was. That meant so much to me. And it just felt so familiar and comforting to hang out with him. There were some interesting cultural realizations during his visit but all in all it was great and we decided to officially commit to a relationship with each other.

The long distance wasn’t too bad at first. He would call or write almost daily. We were just so excited about our new relationship! As time went on however, the challenges with distance set in. Communication got hard and I wondered if it was the language that was blocking us or the fact that this was the first serious relationship for both of us or that is was a new relationship at all or that our personalities didn’t match….yada yada yada! My doubts and fears grew….mostly at times when I wasn’t talking to him during the week. As soon as I would see him on Skype, however, I had peace. He has always had a calming effect on me J I was honest with Sungsoo about how I felt and he was so understanding. It’s also hard to just hang out and have fun on Skype so we were so ready to see each other when I visited in May.

My trip back to Korea was magical. Just being back in a place that meant so much to me was exciting, but it was my time with Sungsoo that was so amazing. We fit so much in- got to just play together and ride bikes and walk hand in hand and enjoy each other’s presence. I noticed in Sungsoo a boyishness still that is fun and playful (I think we are both kids at heart) but also how he is growing into a strong man. It was fun to witness the balance of that in him. We saw again how we are so comfortable around one another and just click. At his church, his pastor asked me to give my testimony. Sungsoo had to translate and he said it was so easy to translate for me because he almost knew what I was gonna say before I said it. I loved hearing Sungsoo speak Korean in his normal environment. Obviously this is what he speaks all the time but to me he speaks English. I marveled at how the Korean just rolled off his tongue so quickly and I loved trying to guess what was being said in context!

The best thing about my trip was getting confirmation about our future together. We returned to this lovely stream that runs through the middle of Seoul. It was nighttime and there were lanterns everywhere to celebrate Children’s Day (a big holiday there) and music was all around. We went to this stream on one of our first dates and it was so special to return. We sat on some rocks by the stream and I asked Sungsoo how he knows for sure that he wants to be with me. I looked into the water and cried and cried as he spoke into my ear simply from his heart about how deeply he loves me and how he knows the depth of his love for me and the calling to love me comes from God. I had heard these things from him before but this night they sunk in. A sense of letting go rushed through me and all my doubts about him melted away…..I felt my heart fully surrender and I just knew. I surrendered to this amazing love and felt confirmation that this was from God. I was in disbelief over this wonderful man sitting next to me so dedicated to loving and serving me. I couldn’t believe the blessing, the gift that he was (and is). I loved him all the more and my heart was overflowing with the joy of getting to love this sweet man forever. All of my doubts about the future and our life together were put into perspective- this man would love me well through anything and we would journey together through it all and that’s all that mattered. I just cried and could barely say anything soaking in this reality.

This began the best week of my life basking in this joy of certainty and being together and romance…..we were both glowing the whole week! It was something I had waited to feel my whole life. Since then we are back to manning the long distance thing and it’s hard, but it’s different. I don’t have doubts. I don’t worry over silly little things. I have assurance in my heart.

……......

Sungsoo has simply won my heart. Completely. I can’t deny it. He is sweet, pure, loving, genuine, fun and I have never felt so loved by anyone. I think of him and my heart is just full- full of love, full of peace, full of blessing and some giddiness J Sungsoo has a quiet love for me. It’s not for show. It’s just pure and without alterior motive. Although at times he is shy and quiet and adorably nerdy, he is observant and speaks from the heart. He has this way of looking at me with a slight smile on his face that is so sincere. It’s like we both can’t breathe at that moment just knowing what doesn’t need to be said.

One of the greatest joys that I have experienced in my relationship with Sunny is that I have gained a deeper understanding of who Christ is and his love for me through Sungsoo. His love is sacrificial. He is a humble servant. Sungsoo has shown me grace and doesn’t hold my past mistakes against me. What a gift to draw closer to Christ through this.

I know you might be wondering what our life will look like together- where will we live, what will we do etc. We do have some plans in mind but we can’t always know the future right? I actually really like this. I love adventure. I love change. I love new experiences. A life with Sungsoo will bring all of those things and I’m excited! Both of us will have to sacrifice and make some tough changes leaving homes, families, friends, countries behind at some point in our lives and we realize this will obviously be difficult. We hope to be used by God to serve Him, the church and others anywhere that we go and that is the most important thing. We will go wherever God leads and I ask that you trust Him along with us :)

Thanks for reading and enjoy the pics!

Us happy :)

chalsangyoepda!

waiting for the train.

at the Chungycheong- our stream <3

our good friend Wooho (who you read about above)

Korean roots

just one of those moments.....

Back to the ROK

2011-05-03T00:18:00.000-07:00

So I've obviously been busy......

But this post isn't about that!

I'm going back to Korea!! Don't freak, it's just for a week long visit, but still, I'm going back!! I haven't really been able to dwell on excitement until now because I've been so busy preparing for my absence. Being heavily responsible in my job and internship made a week-long absence a honker to take care of. But here I lay, exhausted, but relieved and now full of emotions about my trip.

First of all, I feel blessed. I get to travel! I get to fly to another country! Who gets to do that very often? And I didn't even have to pay for my ticket. The generous and kind Sungsoo took care of that. How amazing is that?? AND I get to return to a land so dear to me and reunite with some very special friends who I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to see again!

Mostly, I'm ready to see Sungsoo. This long distance relationship is getting more difficult every week. I want to just hang out with him and have some fun! We are gonna see Seoul, hang with his fam, go to his work, eat, go to church, go to parks, and go to BUSAN! I never got to go before so I'm looking forward to some time at the beach and spas! (Busan is the second biggest city in SK on the eastern coast of the peninsula, across the sea from Japan). ROK, here I come!

p.s. I also want to give props to the month of April but am too lazy to write a whole nother blog. April was awesome! I went sky-diving, went to the Oregon Coast with girl family, had an awesome Easter at Qwest Field in Seattle (and Mariners game afterward with Butts family), went to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival and had numerous parties/outings with friends :)

At Last

2011-02-13T23:42:00.000-08:00

At Last

Elizabeth Akers Allen

At last, when all the summer shine
That warmed life's early hours is past,
Your loving fingers seek for mine
And hold them close—at last—at last!
Not oft the robin comes to build
Its nest upon the leafless bough
By autumn robbed, by winter chilled,—
But you, dear heart, you love me now.

Though there are shadows on my brow
And furrows on my cheek, in truth,—
The marks where Time's remorseless plough
Broke up the blooming sward of Youth,—
Though fled is every girlish grace
Might win or hold a lover's vow,
Despite my sad and faded face,
And darkened heart, you love me now!

I count no more my wasted tears;
They left no echo of their fall;
I mourn no more my lonesome years;
This blessed hour atones for all.
I fear not all that Time or Fate
May bring to burden heart or brow,—
Strong in the love that came so late,
Our souls shall keep it always now!

humbled.

2010-12-15T19:40:00.000-08:00

Here is a snapshot of people in my new apartment! I had a white elephant party for my community group last night and it was so much fun hosting. The guys helped me light a fire and it was so cozy and picturesque! I feel so blessed to have this place, to share it with such a good friend (Mary), to have a job that allows me to pay for it, and enjoy many conveniences that many people around the world don't even dream of. I am so blessed. I have been waiting to settle in somewhere for so long and it feels so good and I'm trying not to take it for granted.

This time of year allows for such a heart check. We are quick to say what we want or think we need for Christmas. Being away from home and family and many of my normal comforts last year has made it easier for me to realize and appreciate all that I have now. Yet it's so easy to get sucked in to the consumerism, the indulgence......oh so easy, especially with so much choice at our fingertips. I'm always humbled at this time of year and am reminded to count my blessings- which are endless!

Looking Back: Thanksgiving '09

2010-11-24T23:30:00.000-08:00

I went to post some pics from this month, but found NONE. I have taken no pictures this month which is so odd for me. Shows how crazy busy I've been.

I was surprised on Facebook with a recent tag in this pic- taken on Thanksgiving last year in Korea. I had never seen it before. I love this picture. This was such a blessed night for me. I remember feeling very busy at this time last year and I was so bummed that I was missing out on Thanksgiving at home (it's one of my favorite holidays). But I was surprised with an invitation from girls in my Bible study to a Thanksgiving meal at this couple's home from church who I had never met. And it was DELICIOUS! It was just like having a meal at home and more. The hospitality and community I felt from people I barely knew was overwhelming and I went away feeling so uplifted and refreshed.

I realize I will probably never be with this particular group of people in the same room again on this earth, but I will always remember this night.

And I'm so thankful to be with family again this year :)

28

2010-10-18T23:37:00.001-07:00

I am an old lady. It seems that most of the new people that I meet are younger than me, like 22-25. I remember being that age and thinking that 28 was old- almost 30! I know, I'm ridic. But here I am 28. Still single, living a life that I never would have imagined for myself at this age, but I'm blessed. Life is not easy right now- it is very challenging with all of these heightened responsibilities in my life with work and interning. But honestly, through all of this challenge, I have learned so much about myself that has been surprising.

I have always thought of myself as really easy-going and flexible. I would say this is still true, but I have learned that I'm more of a processor than a go-getter. I need to wrap my brain around my duties and responsibilities and plan for them before being thrown into action. And recently, I have just been thrown into action, wearing many different hats, and it's been stressing me out! At work I have become an art teacher, yoga instructor, theater director, music teacher, puppeteer, travel guide, sports coach, Spanish instructor, nature guide, oh and administrator and liaison to all parents. My eyes have gone cross! Interning, I have lots of random duties here and there that I have to keep track of. And I'm more of a perfectionist than I thought. I remember realizing this about myself in high school. I didn't get good grades because I was smart, but because I was organized and responsible (most of the time!). I forgot this about myself these past few years out of school and any major positions at work. I'm the total opposite of my boss who can think of something in a second and just do it without blinking an eye. I need to take a step back, look at a larger picture, plan and breathe before I like to go.

This has also been confusing, because I'm not super task-oriented. I'm the type who will always make the list and be the dreamer, but not follow through all of the way. If something more enjoyable comes around, I will stop what's important to do what's more fun. This has led to laziness and stupidity in the past (procrastination is my other middle name) but also the ability to stop and take pleasure in the little things which I never want to lose! This reminds me of Mary and Martha from the Bible (Luke 10 at the end). Martha was the type-A who was so worried over all the tasks of getting her house and food ready for Jesus, that she forgot to just sit and visit with him. All Mary was concerned about was sitting at Jesus' feet to enjoy him. Jesus loved these women equally but needed to remind Martha gently, in her pride, that Mary was getting the "good portion," which was him.

My heart is more like Mary, but my situation in life is forcing me to be more of a Martha right now and I have so much growing to do in this area. Here is the balance I want to find: my enjoyment in Christ, like Mary has, comes first, but that leads to Martha-like efficiency to serve him well. This is what Jesus constantly rebuked the Pharisees for- putting their religious practices above knowing him and loving him as God. Jesus wants our hearts first. And here is the amazing thing that is making my life manageable right now- the strength to serve Jesus well does not come from me- the Spirit provides it all. There lies my hope.

Fall!

2010-09-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

Korea in the fall!

Tomorrow is the first day of my favorite month. I opened my journal tonight to a poem I wrote exactly 5 years ago today for a Choral Lit assignment at Whitworth. I had my favorite trees at Whitworth that I would watch every fall and wait for their leaves to change- they were so gorgeous. This poem is how I feel about the changing of colors every autumn, so I thought I would share it.

Anticipation

9-30-05

It used to be that they would surprise me-

catch my eye as I was driving or walking a new direction.

The colors would call out for me to admire them-

and then steal my breath.

After long days of remembering them in the colorless days of winter

and the green-only days of spring and summer, I watch for them now.

I wait for my favorite ones to start changing-

the yellow, orange and red dying to emerge from their green suppression.

I am eager to welcome my old friends- I have been waiting way too long.

Family and Growing Up

2010-09-23T22:44:00.000-07:00

How do you remember best? Through songs, stories, smells, a picture, a TV show? It can be different things for me. Smells are a big one for me. I still have this bottle of perfume I have had since the 8th grade that I like to smell to take me back. I can literally feel myself walking down the halls of Henley Middle School when I smell it and remember some of the clothes I had then, the classes I would go to, the people I was trying to impress. And I have to be in the right mood to look through old pictures. Because when I do, it takes me hours and it is emotionally draining. I keep lots of things- cards, tickets, programs, flyers, notes.....keepsakes from places I've been, things I've done and people in my life. I don't go through old things too often, but when I do, I feel a mixture of pain and joy. Pain over the moments and people lost, and joy over forgotten memories and good times.

This happened to me last night. I was baby-sitting and my friends have a record collection. They actually have 2 records that when I saw them, brought me back to living on G Street in Bellingham. One was an old Psalty record and one was The Sound of Music soundtrack. I remember when my mom first rented "The Sound of Music" for us and it was magic every hundred times I watched it after that. When I put on Psalty, I remember being a little girl with Sarabeth particularly and us doing the "Jump down, turn around, touch the ground" routine in the living room. Then I remember other things from that living room- when I dropped Becky on the brick fireplace and she cracked her head open, when Sarabeth got a really short haircut and it was a really big deal, when I broke the wing off Sam's Awana trophy, when Sarabeth and Becky and I were showing off for cousin Doug and Lisa when they visited, sitting on the warm floor vents on cold mornings, family movie nights when we would rent a VCR and The Wizard of Oz or Dumbo and eat popcorn, when Melanie had the coolest girls over for a birthday party, listening to Evie and John Denver records at Christmas, me waiting at the front door for Grandpa Riley to slowly make his way down the walkway to the door, when Char brought over baby Allison for me and Sarabeth to take turns holding......I could go on and on now that I've started. It's crazy how one "something" can trigger all of these memories. It makes me miss my family......

I miss having my parents and siblings around all the time. Even though I have great friends here and a family of friends here that love and look after me, sometimes I just long for my blood family. My siblings have their own families now and that is wonderful- what a joy that our family has grown and keeps growing! I love that I can be part of the memories of my nieces and nephews. I still long to be a kid sometimes myself though, when I had constant companionship. Nobody is obligated to me any more.

As I work with kids, I am constantly wondering how they see things and marvel at the way they learn and put things together. Sometimes I think I'm still very much young at heart, but I also see how my adulthood has skewed the simplicity of my thoughts and hopes. I value the experience and wisdom I have gained, but never want to lose that simplicity either.......and those cherished memories of childhood. What the heck, when did I cease to be a kid? Single adulthood has been hitting me square in the eye lately and it's not always very fun. Such is life I guess.....

I think of my Grandpa Schwartz a lot when I think of being a little girl. I always felt like a little girl sitting at his knee marveling at his stories whenever I was around him my whole life-up until the last time I hugged him. I miss him so unbearably right now. There are many things to be grateful for I know, but I'm gonna leave this post as is because as I tell my students, "it's okay to feel sad sometimes." :)

Summer 2010

2010-09-05T23:24:00.000-07:00

Since school starts on Tuesday, I guess summer is officially over. Summer 2010. What the heck- how did that happen? Even though it seemed like I was floating along wandering throughout the summer (temp work, confused about direction, broke) I got to do some awesome things. Summer is Seattle's best kept secret. I missed it last year and didn't take it for granted! Here are some highlights in sort of backwards order........

Community group karaoke.

Can it be true? My Billy in Seattle with me? A dream come true!

Family camping trip. Aren't they lovely?

Fun car rides and trips with the Butts fam!

Incredible hiking.

More reunions with friends!

First stroller ride with Dani and the newest Mr. Watters.

More camping! (shout out to the Meads here! And Jeremiah's craftmanship.....)

Silly times with nieces and nephews.

Nannying the sweet 1year old Grace all summer.

Favorite pic of the summer- 3 year old Brayden and Pavel (community group buddies) cuttin a rug on the didgeridoo and trombone!

Whenever I'm sad about summer ending, I just think of fall beginning and I'm comforted because fall is my favorite season!

Bonnie Becoming

2010-09-01T00:10:00.000-07:00

new blog title. I am no longer Bonnie bewildered. I am Bonnie becoming something different....you know, growing, evolving, yada yada yada. Who ever thought I'd become a runner?

New Directions (yes, this is a "Glee" reference!)

2010-08-31T23:46:00.000-07:00

Oh my land, life is nuts! I know I was meandering for awhile and really looking for direction in life and now my path is surely clear and at the moment, seems impossible to juggle! I'm in a crazy state of starting new things all at the same time. The path before me consists of:

-new job. I am site supervisor at Sweet Pea Cottage Preschool of the Arts at the new Sand Point location. It is tons of work opening a new campus and I'm in charge and I'm freaked and feel lots of responsibility towards students, parents, employees and staff. I do feel very supported and people believe in me. I'm having trouble believing in myself! It's having to equally access the left and right sides of my brain at the same time- doing admin/office work and planning creative arty things for my class. At least I have a great team to help me and we already laugh a lot together! I'm excited to have sweet little ones to teach again.

-new internship. I'm interning in the Children's Ministry department at Mars Hill for one year. I'm super duper excited and blessed to be serving here. There is no place I'd rather be. We are still trying to figure out what I will mainly be doing but so far I've been helping here and there doing random things. I am being mentored by an awesome pastor and am entering the world of ministry which is a whole new thing in itself for me. I have been a taker for so long and I want to learn to be a better giver and instrument of God's work. This has meant many humbling moments lately where I see how much I suck when I try to do things on my own.

-community group. This is a Bible study type of group from church that meets every week and I help lead the singing/worship time. I have been prioritizing these relationships in my life- being real with people at different stages in their walks with God. We hang out a lot and walk through life together. They are my family away from my real family.

I will also be:

-helping to lead the church choir for the Christmas season

-starting a Biblical counseling class

Other things stressing me out:

-getting through this tough financial time

-trying to keep up with my running

-figuring out living situation

So.......it's just a lot of new things happening at once. I have full faith I will make it through and I will eventually fall into a rhythm, but I am so not there yet! Things to learn: God is good in answering prayer and I can do nothing of worth without his strength and leading!

Missing Adjumas

2010-07-30T00:11:00.000-07:00

"Seated now on the cart, propped against one of its sides, he opened his eyes and looked into the face of an old woman. Diminutive, brown, wrinkled; kindness shining in dark eyes set in valleys webbed and serried like earth in drought; her lips cracked, a sore in one of the corners; her nose flat; her chin pointed; her head covered with a dirty white scarf knotted in the back; in her bare hands a bowl from which rose the steam of hot food."

-Chaim Potok from "I Am the Clay"

This describes the face of a Korean woman enduring the Korean War. The description makes me remember the adjumas (old women) in Korea who would sell their vegetables on the streets. Adjumas there seemed to be either really admiring (staring at you and commenting) or what seemed to be hard or expressionless. No in between. The book that I'm reading about the Korean War gives me some context about what this nation endured only 60 years ago and helps me to understand why some of the older people maybe seemed cold. The hardship and pain that comes from watching your homes and villages and families destroyed is very real and runs deep and I believe is still present in that country. Understandably. I miss those faces.

The truth about Korea

2010-07-05T21:10:00.000-07:00

Whew, life since Korea has been weird. Good, yet very confusing as you can tell from earlier posts. But things have become more clear lately and for this I am very thankful. I am lucky to be surrounded by people who are so gracious and have helped me to see things more clearly and make some decisions. They are instruments of God's love in my life. And the Lord has been teaching me patience.......more patience than I thought I already had! But most importantly I have been learning that no matter what we are walking through and what emotions result, Christ wants to walk closely as our companion through it all and to be our strength. I am never alone (as much as I try to believe that) and Christ becomes all things for me.

The thing I have been debating the most recently is whether or not to travel some more at this point in my life. And so questions about jobs now came up and I've been applying and not getting jobs. Amongst all the confusion there was one place I felt passionate about and peaceful whenever I was there: church. I have gone back to the same community of friends that I had before I left for Korea (with some wonderful new people as well) and their roles in my life have a greater depth than they did before. I feel like I have so many people in my life doing ministry that I can closely learn from and I am so grateful for that. God has really blessed our church with evidences of his grace- stories upon stories of Christ radically changing people's hearts and lives. I want to be on board with that mission here- in Seattle, a city so dear to me, which is one of the least churched in the nation.

I realized that my finances do not allow me to do international mission work right now and I felt that going back to Korea at this point would almost be the easy thing to do. It would prolong coming back to live a life here where I'm called to live differently than before. It's scary and hard thinking off rising to the challenges that face me here and I didn't want to run from them. Challenges like living a frugal lifestyle that was forced upon me in Korea yet produced the most fruit in my life! I want to live within my means, simply and humbly here- which seems hard in our over-indulgent society. I so scared of losing sight of the truth that we need very little to live a very joyful life. And the challenge to not fall into old bad habits of sin and to tell my story truthfully about why I was really changed in Korea.

I'm starting to see Korea as a totally separate experience in my life- something completely removed from my normal journey. That might seem like an obvious statement but I guess I have been confused about whether or not Korea would be more in my immediate future and I see now that that's not the case. This is sad for me because I miss Korea a lot. I miss the people I met there the most, and constantly wondering what people were saying, feeling strong and independent as I ordered by myself at a foreign restaurant or went shopping in a strange market or made my way across the city in a taxi or bus or on the subway. I miss looking at Korean faces and marveling at how they all were so unique and different when you really looked. I miss running on the Tancheon, going to jimjilbong, the bright lights, the mass of people, the bustle everywhere. I don't let myself sit and dwell on the memories too much yet because it's too hard. It makes my heart ache so much. But now that I know I'm not going back for now, I'm starting to do that little by little and cherish it for what it was.

The truth is that the Lord had to completely remove me from my life in Seattle to win my heart. I was chasing men and their approval of me and refused to trust Christ with that part of my life. I wanted to do things my own way and this proved to be so foolish and dangerous and sick. I have lived idolizing men and marriage everyday of my life as far back as I can remember. My identity was in how men viewed me. And if one didn't like me, I would find another. And of course I would get hurt and would compromise myself, but I didn't care. I couldn't live without a prospect, some shimmer of hope that my love story would unfold. I was rejecting the all encompassing and fulfilling love of Christ who was waiting to provide for me a feast when I was choosing to eat garbage instead. I was so deep in this rut that Christ had to bring me somewhere completely foreign to open my eyes to his presence, his peace, his grace, his fulfillment, his love. His astounding, unmeasurable love. In a world that was so foreign to me, he was my constant, my strength, the only thing I knew for sure. And he revealed himself to me SO ABUNDANTLY there. I couldn't ignore him any longer. He won my heart and the gospel, something I knew my whole life, finally became my everything. My identity, my power, my JOY.

I feel so blessed that God did this for me in my life. It took drastic measures to get through to me, but that's how much he loves me and for that I am forever grateful and changed. And now I am challenged to live with this new heart back here in Seattle. It's not easy at all, but it's God's will for me now. As much as I want to travel, I am excited to be serving here and learning and being shepherded by such giving, wise, gracious and loving people. I want to continue to live frugally and start paying off some of my debt. Responsibility. Sigh. :) But I know this season will prepare me for the next and like I said before, I have learned it's not about waiting for the perfect outcome, it's taking joy in the journey being walked with Christ.

Oh, and I got a job! Getting this job confirmed what I was feeling in my heart about staying. It's a job that will allow to do something I'm good at, be challenged, provide for my needs, and the time to pursue other ministry kinds of things. God is good and reveals and provides things at the perfect time.

The above picture was taken at Golden Gardens (a beach near my home) on summer solstice. The sun peeping through after such a dreary June seemed to foreshadow some great things to come.

12k

2010-06-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I did something I never thought I could ever do! My sister Sarabeth and I ran our first 12k (7.45 miles) run! It was the Sound To Narrows race in Tacoma which is a very hilly race. People, up until like a year and a half ago I thought running a mile was hard. I have never liked running- and I can't say that I love it even now. I will never be a natural runner. But my year in Korea provided the time for me to run consistently, albeit slow and not as far as I thought I was running! But the consistency of it built my endurance and made me realize that I CAN run. It helped me get over that mind block.

So Sarabeth mentioned this race awhile back. I wasn't sure if I could do it. I increased the length of my runs slowly- it was hard for me! The farthest I ran before the race was 5.6 miles with no hills. Even the week before the race I was doubting if I could do it. But I decided that there was no pressure except for what I was putting on myself and I would do it even if it took me forever to finish.

I was so surprised after the race how short it seemed! I remember seeing a marker that had a 5 on it and I assumed it meant 5 kilometers but when I got closer I saw that it was 5 miles! I couldn't believe I had already gone that far. I walked on a handful of the hard hills and I even stopped for a pee break and my time was 1:33.40- way faster than I thought I could do it! I attribute my success to adrenaline I guess, the many people running with me and my PERFECT PLAYLIST! I sorted through the best of my running songs, weeded out the mediocre ones, added some newbies and wha-la! A good song really motivates me and every song was good! I have posted my new favorite playlist dubbed "12k" for your pleasure!

Rude Boy- Rihanna

Carry Out- Timbaland/Justin Timberlake

Hotel Room Service- Pitbull

Grillz- Nelly

I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho Remix)- Pitbull

Tik Tok- Kesha

Fire Burning- Sean Kingston

Walk It Out- Unk

LoveGame- Lady Gaga

New Way To Be Human- Switchfoot

Fire- 2NE1 (Korean pop dubbed K-pop)

California Gurls- Katy Perry/Snoop Dogg

Abracadabra- Brown Eyed Girls (K-pop)

Angel's Eye- Aerosmith

Right Round- Flo Rida

Come Baby Come- K7

Bossy- Kelis

Unlimited Megajam- 2 Limited

Love Sex Magic- Ciara

You Can Do It- Ice Cube

Can You Feel It- 3rd Party

Every Other Time- LFO

Sorry Sorry- Super Junior (K-pop)

Semi-Charmed Life- Third Eye Blind

Gee- Girls Generation (K-pop)

Disturbia- Rihanna (Jody Den Broeder Remix)

Raise the Roof- Luke

Forever- Chris Brown

Lose My Breath- Destiny's Child

Confused

2010-05-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

Do I go back to Korea or stay? If I go back, when? And why would I be going back?

Should I pursue a mission trip in the coming months?

Or should I look for a long term job here in Seattle?

Should I continue temping now? (which is proving not to be full-time as they said it would)

Or should I look for another full time temporary job?

In the mean time, how do I pay my bills?

Should I go back to school so I can teach something else or keep looking for music positions?

I think I will go bury myself under the covers and cry as I continue to grow ancient with no progress in my life.

Life Now

2010-05-12T13:33:00.001-07:00

It's still hard to believe that I'm back from Korea in the swing of everyday life here again. I have been home for over two months now. It's just hard to believe that the Korea chapter is over (for now at least). I remember anticipating Korea and then when I was there, a year seemed like forever. Now it's a thing of the past and I miss it. I can imagine what the cherry blossoms look like at this time of the year, and hearing the boisterous cicadas in the trees, and starting to feel the humidity on the morning walk to work. I can close my eyes and feel like I'm there again and know the exact feeling of being there. It was my world for one year. America seemed so far away and unreachable when I was there. I love being home but also miss the familiarity of that place. What a weird thing.

A cool thing that I have heard from people since I've returned is that I seem more peaceful, more grown up, more thoughtful. I like that, and give all credit to the Lord for the things he taught me. Now I'm involved in similar things back in Seattle but just have a different perspective I guess.....and peace. I'm fully immersed in community at Mars Hill Church again. I feel like I fully belong there and it is so wonderful to be among those friends again being completely real and working through tough questions, seeing God change lives, and also having so much fun. I feel called to step it up in my service to the church, the people there and ministries they support. Mars Hill has a fund for community groups to see needs in the community and use that money to help the people in need that we meet. So we have been helping a single mom with supplies for her new baby and I'm giving another single mom some of my furniture that I'm not using now. Giving seems such a natural response to all that God has given us.....and my life hasn't always reflected this.

My work right now is not what I anticipated, but it's working for now. God totally provided work just in time for me to pay my bills! I'm doing some temp nanny work. So in theory I nanny for different families all over Seattle whenever temporary need comes up- for one night or a week or a month....whatever. But so far I have just been with one family on Mercer Island for 3 weeks. I'm caring for two boys ages 3 and 5. They are a sweet family and doing this full time really makes me see what being a full time, stay-at-home mom is like...... a lot of work! I also can't imagine working in a different place all day and then going home to another job- your family! How exhausting! I'm definitely learning to appreciate my freedom for now as a single person who can have all the free time I want! I'm grateful to have that perspective instead of feeling alone and unloved.......don't you feel sorry for me? :) I feel like I'm still in a time of waiting and transition- a temporary period until I take the next big step. It's hard to remain content in this at times, wishing I had my own apartment or perfect job, but after my year away it's easy to be grateful for where I'm at and just try to enjoy it. I'm looking into some missions opportunities for the fall maybe, so prayers for direction would be appreciated!

I also love being close to my family again- getting so see sisters, nieces and nephews and grandma. I think I missed that the most in Korea. I'm looking forward to a trip to Tucson this weekend to celebrate my brother Sam getting his PhD and my niece Ada turn 2!

So that is life.....for now.

Stuck in the Middle

2010-04-24T01:18:00.000-07:00

I am such a wuss. I have learned this about myself lately. Well, I have always kind of known it, but it is bothering me more and more lately. All too often I keep quiet and don't say what I want to say or I change my mood or personality to fit what is going on around me. I am a people pleaser and want to be, say and do what I think others want.

I know this isn't always bad. People have always told me that I'm a peacemaker. I have a soothing and calming presence. But I don't know if that's a gift or a shield I have put up to avoid confrontation. Why do I hate confrontation so much? Fear? Lack of confidence? I think all of those things and the fact that I want everyone to like me.

I've been thinking a lot about politics lately. I have never really concerned myself with politics much. As a kid I didn't really understand the concept and it seemed boring. Then I think I avoided it because of the confrontation issue. But now I think it's my duty as an adult, a citizen of this country and someone who has been changed by grace, to know what the heck I stand for. But with so many political issues bubbling around in our country (I was kind of out of the loop with it all in Korea) and having people in my life that I love and who believe such opposite extremes, I am thoroughly confused. I really don't know where I stand. But I also know that I haven't done much searching. I haven't sought to understand much about politics. What I do know is that I believe in the absolute truth of the Scriptures. That's right, the ABSOLUTE truth. I don't believe there are millions of truths out there for individuals to claim as their own. Where's the certainty in that? We can find anything we need to know in God's Word. So I need to look there.

Here is what I know from the Word:

-We were created in God's image and likeness (Gen. 1:26-27) and "In God we live and move and have our being...." (Acts 17:28) And God "formed my inward parts; (God) knitted me together in my mother's womb." (Psalm 139:13) Thus we were all created uniquely by God and bear his image! and that life must be protected. I am Pro-Life.

-We should be good stewards of God's creation which is his gift to us and "subdue it" (Gen. 1:28) meaning wisely investigate and develop earth's resources to make them useful for human beings (ESV study Bible's words) This doesn't mean that the earth should be worshiped or anything but the concept of stewardship can flow to anything that the Lord has blessed us with- our belongings, our money- to be used for good and not squandered and abused. So I like the green campaign.

-We should help those in need- the poor, widows, orphans (that is all over the Bible) But we should also not reward idleness and laziness. We should encourage and help people to make their own living (1 Thess 3: 6-12) So this is a place where I don't know who to support- Democrats or Republicans. Because it is our duty especially as Christians to help those in need and have programs for them, but we should also not reward those who don't work. Not sure about this one.....what do you guys think?

-Also, we should respect those put in authority. (Rom 13: 1-7) I can't stand blatant rudeness and disrespect for whoever the president is. It got so out of hand with Bush and people are pretty harsh with Obama too. I know people have a right to say whatever they want, but God tells us to trust him who is in control of all of these things. The only reason we should go against authority is if it would mean disobeying one of God's commandments (example Dan 3:18 when they were commanded to worship the golden idols but refused.)

There are other issues that I guess I have opinions on, but I need to investigate more. I guess I need a better understanding of the basic principles behind democrats and republicans. It seems that people have good intentions on both sides. I like to try and understand things from other points of view but then I seem more and more stuck in the middle. Maybe it's okay to be someone like me- always in the middle. But I just don't want to be a wuss and stay uninformed because I'm scared. I want to stand up for the principles of God's Word which is what I need to investigate the most!

I am always open to thoughts and opinions......

Regional, Global

2010-04-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

Well my trek around the Pacific Northwest continues as I am reuniting with many loved ones that I missed in Korea. I'm currently in Walla Walla, Washington staying with my college friend Tiffany and her boyfriend Brent- both of whom I saw last September in Korea! They visited me there so it's fun recalling our time there together. I love visiting Walla Walla. I think it's a really quaint town and the spring is always nice here. Tiff keeps trying to convince me to move here. Maybe if it weren't so far away.....

Before this, I spent a little over a week in Klamath Falls staying with my parents. It was great to be at home. I saw the garage my dad built, went to my sister Becky's classroom and shared with them a few more things from my students in Korea. It made me really miss my students thinking about them so much and reading their letters. Becky's class was really interested in my pictures and asked good questions! I also sang for the Good Friday service at church and at Easter. Even though I consider Mars Hill my church home now, there is always something special about visiting my church family at BBC. I love seeing people I grew up with. I am very sentimental and the memories I have of youth group, mission trips and doing music at BBC are very dear to me.

Before Klamath Falls we had a fun family weekend up in Seattle. We played with the kids, played games (of course!) and had some great food. I love hanging with my family and the kids make it crazy, but even more fun. I will return to Seattle this weekend and stay more long-term with my friend Chelsea at her home in West Seattle and serious job hunting will take place. Pray that I find something!

Now that the excitement of being home has died down (I am still excited but it is less intense), I am starting to think of Korea and miss it. I didn't think about Korea for awhile after coming back. But now I'm starting to miss my friends, church, students and just the excitement that living in Korea brought every week. I loved the adventure, the unknown, being in a foreign place. I'm getting the sense here that I shouldn't get too comfortable. Part of me desires to settle down and have my own little place and job, but I am trying to be cautious not to get wrapped up in my own little selfish world- comfort can be dangerous. I have observed since being back (I'm not trying to offend, I'm just observing) how easy it is to get wrapped up in our own individualistic worlds here. People have their own homes here, own cars, their own huge everything here. I can see how in the past I wasn't looking beyond myself to the world around me and those in need. So much of the world has NOTHING materialistic. We have so much here and I don't want to lose the heart and perspective that I gained overseas. I don't want to be set on building my own little world, but just going and doing what Christ is calling me to. What that is exactly, I'm still not sure! But I was extremely moved by a sermon I heard on the way up to Walla Walla on Tuesday. It was about how the cross was for us AND Jesus who is now sitting in glory because of his obedience but also because he DESIRED to see people of every tribe and tongue and nation be part of his family- to save them and love them and bless them. The concept of God's family being global is so profound to me. Of all the differences in our cultures, languages and ways of life, Christ can save and change lives no matter what the circumstance. There is definite need and calling for mission in every country of the world. I want to be part of that- here, there or anywhere!

Transitions

2010-03-24T17:23:00.000-07:00

Whoa, I can't believe I haven't written in so long. I just sort of forgot to update with all of the changes that have taken place in the last month. For one, I AM HOME! I am back in the USA and it feels great. I had a wonderful surprise waiting for me at the airport and dinner after with many family and friends there to greet me. As I flew into Seattle it was a gorgeous, clear day and the sun was beaming off Mount Rainier and I got so excited! Then I had to wait for a dumb broken tram for like 20 minutes right before I got to see everyone. That was annoying. But then I screamed and cried some when I saw everyone. What a joyous moment I will never forget! And I have been reuniting with more and more people as the time goes by and it is so great. Everyone says, "it's been a year already?" Yep it has. It did go by fast but there were moments during that year that I longed to be home so now that I'm here, I'm savoring every bit.

Since coming home I have been homeless, a nomad. I stayed with the Butts family in Tacoma for a while, then a few nights with different friends in Ballard, then with my grandma in Olympia and now I'm with my friend Chelsea at her home in West Seattle where I will stay more permanently after a trip to Klamath Falls until I figure out my next step. Hmmmm, the next step.....a daunting thought.

I have no idea what I will do next! I am looking for any job I can get really. I would like to work at Starbucks for now! The thing is, when I left Korea I thought maybe I would like to go back after some time at home. But now that I'm here, part of me just wants to settle. It's hard living out of suitcases and boxes. I don't know where anything is! I have a storage unit too way up in Edmonds full of even more stray belongings. I just want to get organized and figure things out. But if I want to go back to Korea, how settled do I get? It's all a big question mark. But I'm trying not to complain and just enjoy reuniting with the people I love and roll with it. I know I am ultimately taken care of and everything will work out. But really, life is just one big question after another isn't it?

Things I have enjoyed since being home: playing with my nieces and nephews, returning to Mars Hill, driving!, the Seattle skyline and mountains, familiar food, HGTV, and eavesdropping on people's conversations cause I can actually understand what people are saying now and I forgot what people talk about!

I have been so caught up with returning home that I haven't thought about Korea very much yet. I know that time will come. But now that I think about it I miss my friends there, my students, cheap/fast/healthy food and the overwhelming bright lights. A year ago I was just getting acquainted with those Red Bears and starting the Korean journey. Now I'm excited about our big family weekend coming up starting tomorrow. To every season, turn, turn, turn.

brief notes on London.....

2010-03-03T11:52:00.000-08:00

Just a few notes on London.....

-I am getting so fascinated with British history- especially about the royalty because I'm seeing all of the real live places where they lived, got married, were murdered, and buried hundreds and hundreds of years ago!

-The subway station here (The Tube) is literally shaped like a tube- like a paper towel roll. It is so tiny! This is very different from the subway system in Seoul which is much more spacious and rectangular shape. Oh and there are so many mice down on the tracks! Ewww.

-I'm not used to seeing all the diversity on the streets! Where's all the Koreans?! I'm not used to just being one in the crowd- I'm used to looking different.

-I love the adjectives "lovely" and "naughty" which they use a lot here! I overheard a woman today at a coffee stand say, "I know this is a bit naughty, but can you add a little bit of hot water to my cup?" (her coffee was from a different coffee shop altogether!) It made me laugh the way she said it!

-Staying in hostels means you might be placed with random men who walk around in their underwear! (don't worry, they are nice! the men, not the underwear......)

-People think Brittney and I are British and keep asking us for directions!

-Being here really makes me want to rewatch Mary Poppins! (and all other movies based in London I've ever seen!)

I know there is much I'm forgetting that I've been thinking about the last 4 days. But I will write more about specific places later. What a treat to be here. The history here is unbelievable. And Brittney and I are trying to use as much Korean as we can so we don't forget it!

London Baby!

2010-02-28T01:47:00.000-08:00

Phew. We made it. The last couple of days have been a ridiculous and exhausting whirlwind. Goodbyes to my kids (more on that later), sending more boxes (pushing 3 boxes up a cobblestone hill with Koreans chuckling at me = not cool), transferring money, graduation, packing suitcases, cleaning my whole apartment (with the help of the saintly Sungsoo), more goodbyes, luggage scares at the airport, two flights (I flew across Asia!), and lugging my million pound luggage in pouring, freezing rain to our hostel in London. It is adorable and it's right next to the British Museum which we are going to today. It's free and perfect for this rainy day. Here is our hostel: http://www.astorhostels.co.uk/#/en/page/museum/

Now we are chillin before we go to the museum. We'll see how we adjust to the time difference. It's crazy trying to think of 3 time zones at once- Seoul, London and Seattle. And I'm already getting my accents confused between British, American and Korean. I was asking a British security guard something and suddenly a weird southern accent came out of my mouth and it was so embarrassing! What the heck. And I'm not used to seeing non Koreans everywhere and being able to read the signs and understand what people are saying. Well, I couldn't understand the French being spoken by a couple at breakfast (free at our hostel!) but still........ Adjustments to get used to all over place but I'm so excited to be here. Even as I was dashing through the rain with my luggage I couldn't help but squeal at the buildings alone. So old world. Here's to a great week! Cheerio!

Lunar New Year

2010-02-17T07:58:00.000-08:00

Lunar New Year is a huge holiday in Korea (and other Asian countries). So this year to celebrate Seolnal (Lunar New Year in Korean) I got to dress up in a traditional hanbok (Korean gown) and lead a party in my classroom. The mothers were invited to this party too- it's a big deal! We played Yutnori, a traditional Korean game with them. It's a really fun game using sticks and depending on how they land, you move pieces on a game board. I was glad that most of the mothers speak some English because they helped me lead this game. I obviously had never played it before! It was great fun. I also saw how the children bow to their elders. On this holiday they traditionally bow to their older relatives and the relatives give them money. So in our class the kids bowed to their moms and their teachers, me and Amber! It was really cool to see and be a part of. Then the school gave us money to give to them. I will never forget this day. Here are some pics: (click on the pics to see them close up!).Here are some girls in my PM class dressed in their hanboks (I wore mine the next day for the AM class). Anna, Flora and Soo. They are obviously super sweet!
The girls got ahold of my camera. I love this Soo. What a performer! You should see her dance around the room and love me. I will miss her face so much.
Silly pic with my AM class. Two kids missing here.
Ok, this is possibly my favorite kid in the world (Jason), but he can't take a good picture to save his life! He is hilarious and has the cutest smile and dimples but just can't smile for a camera!! It reminds me of Chandler from Friends!
Me leading circle time in my hanbok. This is one of my favorite parts of the day. I have their undivided attention and we laugh so much.
Me and Sarah L. I like my hanbok. It was simple. The kids said it didn't have enough flowers and colors, but I liked it!
Amber and I giving the kids money after they bowed to us. They were so excited!
I felt like royalty! What an honor for me. It is a privelege to teach them.
They bowed to their mothers in groups. So touching. They all ran to give their moms big hugs after this. I love this pic.
Group pic! Unforgettable.

Snowboarding and So Much More

2010-02-04T06:35:00.000-08:00

This is so insane. I have 22 days left in Korea. How the H did that happen? I am utterly motionless as I sit here and think of all I need to do before I go. I remember feeling this way before coming to Korea too! Here's my to do list:

-pack more boxes and send them home ( I have already sent 3 big ones)

-get presents and souvenirs and send them

-write goodbye letters to all 26 of my students

-write final report cards for all 26 of my students

-see some things in Seoul I haven't yet (I'm thinking a couple art museums and the DMZ)

-plan a song and speech for my kids to perform at graduation

-write my own goodbye speech for graduation

-final field trip

-class slumber party

-say goodbyes to numerous friends

-research London

-try to compose all of the emotions involved with leaving and coming

-and I know I'm forgetting something else.....

Deep breath! I know everything will come together. It's just sorting through the end of this chapter that is unclear. What are the main things I have learned? How have I changed the most? What will I do with all my relationships here? I guess I need to be patient- I probably won't realize these answers all together. I tend to like things all in a nice little bow!

On another note, I had a great time last weekend at Vivaldi Park- a ski/snowboarding park only and hour and a half away and I tried snowboarding for the first time! I have been skiing a few times before but my friends said I should try snowboarding, so I did! It was ok. I think I like skiing better but I'm glad I tried. I was actually doing pretty good- turns and everything on intermediate hills (slowly with my arms out like a mummy the whole time) but I don't know if it was worth all the physical pain! Sore legs, wrists, arms and butt from falling and squatting the whole time! But it was a memorable time with friends. A huge group of us from school stayed in a pension together. I'm so glad I got that time with them. Here are some pics.

This cute Korean guy had to help me put my knee pads on under my snow pants! It was so funny- I was laughing so hard and he was laughing too. He had to be like a jack hammer!
Love them! We went bowling afterward.
The group. Presh.
Me strapping in. Then you have to hoist yourself up but grabbing the board with your right arm and basically pull yourself up. Good thing I have been lifting weights!

Me gettin in the groove. This was such an amazing packaged deal. Only $80 total for ski pants, jacket, board rental, lift ticket and one night stay in a pension. In America all of that would be like a million dollars.

Fortune Tellers

2010-01-21T22:51:00.000-08:00

I have been teaching for 11 months straight with only two week-long breaks. At this point sometimes I feel like I'm running out of energy and fresh ideas for my kids. But I'm lucky enough that my kids can get excited about anything if I pretend it's the coolest thing in the world and am excited about it myself! So today we made "Fortune Tellers" or "Cootie Catchers" as I have heard other people call them. It's this thing to the left. Anyways, I incorporated what we're learning about verbs and past, present and future tense. I had the students write silly sentences in the future tense- something funny that could happen to their friend. This activity really helps them to practice spelling (of colors), counting (the numbers inside indicate how many times you open and alternate the thingy) reading, writing (they have to write small and neat enough so they can read their own hand-writing!), creative thinking, and motor skills (you would be surprised how hard it is for some of them to maneuver this thing!) Here are some samples of the sentences they wrote inside- things that could be your "fortune."

You will go to Disneyland 100 times.

You will go back to one years old.

You will be a dirty girl.

You will have a robot named Miss Bonnie in your mouth.

You will have 37 babies.

You will grow your hair like Rapunzel.

You will have an old baby.

You will marry Miss Bonnie.

You will grow unlimited years old.

You will play piano for a queen.

You will have a Dracula dinosaur.

You will grow a nose when it’s your birthday.

You will live in a Hello Kitty house.

You will have a jumping eyeball.

You will love me.

Bangkok Journal Entries

2010-01-19T05:08:00.000-08:00

p.s. don't start reading here- scroll down to my "Phuket Journal Entries" post to start from the beginning of my Thailand trip! And click on any of the pics to see them bigger!The insane crowds (in insane heat, mind you) getting into the Royal Palace. There was a special entrance for foreigners that they kept changing so we had to search for it. Alix met grumpy Bonnie that day... aka, overheated Bonnie!
Koh San Road. This is a famous street in Bangkok where we spent New Years. These streets were PACKED!! That is a classic tuk tuk in front.
Standing buddha. Enorm.
My body broke out in these tiny blisters everywhere from my sunburn. In the heat and sweat that Bangkok provided, this was not pleasant...... Yes, I'm dying of skin cancer.
The immaculate scale, construction and detail of the Royal Palace. Incredible.

Dec. 31- Bangkok

It is so hot here. I have never sweated so much! I hear the sounds of New Years Eve out the window. Bangkok is busy- very different. We miss the islands but it's good to experience this city. We saw a bunch of Buddhist temples and statues today. It creeped me out and made me sad actually. So many people bowing and praying and putting their hope in something completely false- a huge idol. We took an overnight bus from Krabi here last night. So uncomfortable but I did sleep. I also got bit by some bugs and my shins and feet got so swollen. My sunburn has now left hundreds of tiny blisters all over my body. So I feel a little down after the high of the islands and we don't know where we're going for New Years and we're running out of money. I guess all vacations have to end :( But we have more to see tomorrow. It's will be interesting to reflect back on this vacay when it's done.

Jan 1. 2010- Bangkok

New Year's Eve was rockin on Koh San Road. So many people- lots of music and dancing and celebrating. Alix and I stayed hip to hip all night and made sure to cover the tops of our drinks! Met some fun people to share the evening with- a group from Switzerland, some Koreans, and the guy I sat next to on the bus from Krabi! Today we went to the Royal Palace- immaculate and so crowded and so hot. I thought I would die creeping along like lava in those crowds. So much sweating. It's weird to think of going back to cold Seoul. I can't even imagine it right now. I'm peeling ridiculous amounts. We also went to two of the big markets and got souvenirs. Crazy amounts of vendors and stuff to buy there. I think I brought the perfect amount of money..........adventure, beauty, grief. What do I make of this trip?

Maya Beach Journal Entry

2010-01-19T04:21:00.001-08:00

The beauty of Maya Beach is indescribable- my words can't do it justice. We went on an overnight camping trip to this beach with a small tour. It was a great group and we met some cool people. We also went snorkeling on our out way there. I love snorkeling and this was an amazing place to do it. Maya Beach is on an even smaller island off of Phi Phi Island called Phi Phi Leh. This is where the movie "The Beach" was filmed. It is this tiny bay with the most turquoise, warm water you can imagine. Perfect sand on the beach and in the water that I wasn't scared to dig my feet- no rocks or sea life around. The high cliff rocks encircle the beach and at the bottoms the rock jets in from years and years of water eating it away. So we sat under these rocks for awhile which provided the perfect frame for this moonlit, turquoise paradise. I went for a night time swim and it was so warm! We slept on this beach- it gives me butterflies to think of it. It seemed like heaven. Here is a link to a short video which captures the main beach at the end and the jungle area behind where we slept.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoMzucvWWWw
The moon lit the beach gorgeously for us at night and you can't tell but the water was still turquoise and warm even at night.
Here are the high cliff rocks I was talking about. This is where we snorkeled on our way to Maya Beach.
Sunset coming in to Maya Beach. Nobody except this camping company can have people on the beach at night so we had it all to ourselves and enjoyed a barbeque, music, drinks, swimming and sunset, dusk, night time and sunrise here. Unbelievable.
Morning time at Maya Beach.
Me at the viewpoint on Phi Phi Island.

Dec. 30th- Maya Beach

Phi Phi Island is a paradise. So chill. No cars or motorbikes. Go everywhere by foot because it's so small. Lots of beach time, authentic Thai food, some shopping, meeting new people, hike to the viewpoint. Now I'm on an overnight camping trip on an even smaller island. Snorkeled on our way out here after jumping off the top of the boat. So many tropical fish just right there when you get in! Meeting so many people on this trip. The beauty is unreal. Total paradise. Huge mountain rocks surrounding this tiny bay. Water so clear and turquoise. The moon lit the beach at night. We slept on the beach. I woke up at one point and saw more stars than I've ever seen ever. Saw a shooting star too. Absolutely indescribable this beauty. I feel like I'm on the show Lost. Sand is covering my body everywhere! Skyped with Sarabeth yesterday to see how everyone is doing. It's so hard being away. All the grandkids singing "Grandpa" at the memorial at Grandpa's request. I'm so sad to be missing that. I'm gonna write a letter that will be read at the service. I have to do that now. How can I put into short words how I feel?

Phuket, Thailand Journal Entries

2010-01-19T03:24:00.001-08:00

Do you see the tiny frog? He made us scream bloody murder, almost tip our raft and make all the other people on the tour wonder what monstrous snake was going to eat us all alive! You never know what is poisonous in the jungle!

Patong Beach
Tuk tuks (open air taxis) in Phuket. Tuk tuks are different in Bangkok.
Us, Ellie, and our eager, trendy guide......

Here are some pics and journal entries from our time in Phuket. I won't post all of them as I deal with my grandpa's death in many of them, but here is a snippet....

Dec. 25- Phuket

Early freezing morning- long cool flight (Thai Air) over China, water, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand. So warm and humid when we came off the plane! Smelled liked bananas and flowers- so sweet! So many white people and Europeans in airport and on flight. Not used to that! Long taxi ride (shuttle) to guest house in Phuket. They drive on the other side of the road here (which I spotted in the air on the plane) and the driver is on the opposite side. You shift with your left hand but still press the clutch with your left foot. I loved the jungle feeling, interesting trees, people riding in backs of trucks and men, women and children casually on speeding motor bikes down the highway! Guest house nice- open air restaurant and lobby. Most people speak English here. Went for a walk- got cheap pad thai, spring rolls and Thai beer for our first meal. So good! So fascinated, excited at everything we see. Buildings seem run down. Many open air vendors and restaurants- and stray dogs. Walked to Patong Beach. Gorgeous! Interesting lights and bands on Christmas day. Beautiful fire balloons float up into the sky from the beach. They go so far I thought they were planets at first! Find party central street. Scared by several iguanas and slutty dancers in "Santa suits" on Christmas day :( Walked, got a beer. Bought a sarong and beach shorts. I'm not so good at bargaining but Alix is! Got a little piece of heaven with my first Thai massage. 12000 won (300 baht) for an hour long full body massage! Amazing. In love with Thailand already. My new phrase is "Oh my Thailand!"

Dec. 27- Phuket

My heart and sunburn hurts. As I think of my family gathering to remember my grandpa I get very sad and angry. Why do I have to miss this? It's so hard grieving without them. I need them. I can be okay when I'm doing big fun exciting things. But in the down times I cry. I am constantly thinking of him, my grandma and my family. Today I took a bamboo raft ride in the jungle, swam under a waterfall, rode elephants in the jungle, and saw lots of beautiful Phuket. A once in a lifetime day. And I have to face this grief in the midst. Why? There has to be a reason and I'm praying God will show it to me. Had yummy Mexican food and margaritas tonight. Not many Americans here. Mostly Europeans. It's weird looking at people and not knowing where they come from. So many languages I hear. Leaving for Phi Phi in the morning. Freaked out with Alix at a frog today and saw snakes in trees and huge spiders. Scary but cool. What the heck is my life right now? I don't get it. But I trust and am grateful nonetheless.

Travel Plans

2010-01-13T05:10:00.000-08:00

I still need to post more on Thailand and I will- I just haven't gotten around to it. I have been overwhelmed lately (the past 6 months actually) and I don't think that will change any time soon! After this week I have only 6 weeks of teaching left! I absolutely cannot believe that. It seems like I got here only a few months ago. I'm already starting to pack and send some things home early! I can send a big box home on a boat for only 32000 won (roughly $32) but it takes a few months to get there. So I'm starting now. Things should get there around the time that I arrive. I want to send everything except for one suitcase which I will take with me to.......LONDON!

Yes, I decided to forfeit my Beijing trip to go to London for a week instead. I was all set to go to Beijing for Lunar New Year (a 3-day weekend) but some good friends told me that was a BAD idea- like the worst time to go for a weekend because it's so insanely crazy. And I couldn't afford tickets for China and Seattle at one time. So I'm bummed not to be going but I think it's the best choice. I trust I will be in this neck of the woods at some other point to visit Beijing and the Great Wall.

The great thing about London is that my school pays for my flight from Seoul to London and then I have to pay for my ticket from London to Seattle. And I found a great deal for that flight- only $500 with one stop in Iceland! So I will be in Iceland for one hour of my life too! I'm going to London with my friend Brittney whom I have traveled with and has similar interests as me in plays and museums and castles and such. So now we are looking for a cheap place to stay there and are researching what we want to do there. I can't believe I'm going to London! I almost went in college but the money didn't work out, so I feel fortunate to be able to go now.

So I will arrive in Seattle in the afternoon on March 6th. I'm anticipating the arrival very much! I CAN'T WAIT to meet Evan and Hudson, my two nephews who were born since I've lived in Korea. And I can't wait just to hug everyone in my family and have sweet reunions with friends and go to my favorite Seattle spots that I have missed so much! And I sincerely can't wait to hug my grandma and talk with her. My heart is with her right now.

So the next few weeks will be filled with emotions, reflections, packing, goodbyes and seeing more of Korea. My friends are planning a snowboarding trip for the end of the month and I still need to visit the DMZ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_Demilitarized_Zone) which I will do before I leave.

Then I will be looking for a job (along the lines of Starbucks for now!), staying with family in WA, then going down to Oregon for a few weeks. I think my life will be less structured than it is now with no permanent place to stay and unpack all my things. Yikes, that's crazy to think of. But I trust that everything will work out before I figure out the next big step. And I can't wait to drive!

Thailand

2010-01-03T01:03:00.001-08:00

Sun. Turquoise water. Tropical. Pad thai. Beach. Sunburn. Elephants. Bamboo. Waterfall. New Years. Thai massage. Green coconut curry. Meeting new people. Lady boys. Moonlight. Sand. Tuk tuks. Grief.

This is what comes to mind as I think of my vacation to Thailand. It was a trip unlike any I have ever been on and I'm still reflecting on it. I cannot describe the beauty of this beachy, jungly paradise. And being there for Christmas and New Years felt strange. I have only ever been in wintery, frigid landscapes for these holidays. I felt excited, grateful, adventurous and independent. Then I got news that changed everything. My grandpa passed away on Christmas Eve. Shock, sadness, pain, and longing filled me. I couldn't believe he was gone. I couldn't stand not being with my family. I couldn't stop crying. All I could do was keep going. I had to accept the fact that I couldn't be home or attend grandpa's services. I had to pray and ask what to do, how to feel. So I tried to continue on with our agenda. I enjoyed everything we did but in the down times I would cry and reflect and grieve. I had to suppress some of the memories and emotions however. I think I will be dealing with all of that for awhile. I luckily did get to call home and Skype with family and call my grandma at points along the trip. I know I was there for a reason and I'm partly still searching for that answer. I'm so blessed to have experienced Thailand but it was so tragic to be away.

I will write more about specific parts of the trip later and post more pics. I will put a ton of pics on Facebook. But I just wanted to share a little for now. Back to real life tomorrow. Only 8 more weeks in Korea.

Merry Christmas from Korea

2009-12-24T09:19:00.000-08:00

This month has been a whirlwind of craziness and emotions. I have been so busy with school and church Christmas stuff and emotionally and physically I have been drained. Here is what has been going on:

These are my grandparents Luke and Laurie Schwartz. They are two of the most precious people to me. Words can't express my love for them and what amazing people they are. My grandpa had a heart attack a few weeks ago and he is still in the hospital not doing very well. I won't go into too many details but let's just say it has been one of the hardest things of my life facing the fact that I'm so far away from them at this time. I trust God completely in this situation as I know he loves my grandpa more than any of us and has a plan for me being over here at this time too. Please pray for my grandpa's health and the well-being of all of us during this very difficult time.
It's weird being away from family this Christmas but I have been blessed with great friends over here. It was lovely to spend Christmas Eve with Minh, Stephanie, Heidi and many other Jubilee friends. This Christmas was more simple for me as I have been away from the mass commercial part of Christmas and I have just been reflecting on Christ and what he has done for us. His love is so profound and it has been a huge comfort to me- my only hope in this difficult month.
This is Hanna from my aXis group (small group Bible study) at Jubilee. This group is a blessing to me. We meet Sunday mornings for coffee, sharing, prayer and quoting verses. We also did a gift exchange and I got the cute hat in the pic below from my friend Sara.
This is my dear friend Carolina who just left Korea :( She was our choir director and such a precious friend. I miss her so much already. Another hard goodbye. There are these cool photo poles in Gangnam on the street and you can just walk up to them and take your picture and email it to yourself. So this is us after shopping together. p.s. Korea is FRIGID!
We had a Maple Bear Christmas concert earlier this week. My kids were so awesome. The venue was SO crowded so these are my kids cramped together but sitting nicely just the same. We sang Angels We Have Heard on High, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and Mele Kalikimaka all with great costumes and motions. They were the hit of the night and I'm so proud of them. I got lots of flowers and cards from the kids and their parents.
I was part of two gift exchanges this month. Stephanie got me these mittens and Sara got me the hat. I needed them cause I didn't bring really warm hats or gloves with me here and Korea has been unbelievably cold. So now I'm all set!
These are my fellow Maple Bear teachers (minus Jessica) at our staff Christmas party. Stephanie, Minh, me, Tony, Ali and Brittney. I love these people. We hang out a lot playing games and going out and such. What a great group.

So, right now it's officially Christmas Day over here. I'm alone but am so filled and satisfied with who Christ is and all that he has saved me from and blessed me with. I'm off in two hours to catch the airport bus because it's vacation and I'M GOING TO THAILAND! So my next post will probably be about that adventure. Merry Christmas to all of you. And Happy New Year! I will be celebrating it in Bangkok!

Tis the Season

2009-12-09T04:03:00.000-08:00

Me and Rudolph.
Me in front of the big tree at COEX Mall. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/COEX_Mall

This time of year always seems crazy busy no matter where you live on earth. Wasn't it just September? My life is filled to the brim with church Christmas stuff, school Christmas stuff, and Christmas cards.

I'm helping out with the church choir for our Christmas gala coming up on the 19th. It's a fun group and I'm excited to be part of "Prodigal" the original musical put on by Jubilee Church. (check out the new website http://www.jubileeseoul.com/ )

We also have a Christmas concert coming up at school and I had to choose the songs for my kids and think of the choreography. Surprisingly, t's the first time I have ever had to do something like this. My kids are amazing and respond to everything I ask them to do. We had our first joint rehearsal with the school and everyone was so impressed with my class. They are like a mini choir! I will be sure to record the concert or our practices and post a video. We are singing Angels We Have Heard on High, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and Mele Kalikimaka. So rehearsals and some level-testing have been taking up my class time. Regular instruction has come to a halt which makes everything just different and hectic.

Korea has lots of Christmas stuff but it's obviously not the same. There is Christmas music playing wherever you go but I miss having a Christmas tree and Christmas cookies and egg nog and all that stuff. But I have been listening to a lot of new Christmas music this year. I have a Zune as my MP3 player (Microsoft's version of an IPod) and they have this great service where for $15 a month you have unlimited downloads- like renting music but you get to keep 10 songs a month. So I have downloaded so many new Christmas albums! I am also missing Christmas movies- like Home Alone, White Christmas, and Christmas Vacation. I only have one Christmas movie with me here- Love Actually which is so good but I want more!

Each year back home Christmas always seemed to go by quicker every year and as my Christmas mornings weren't as special without my brothers and sisters, it just wasn't the same as when I was a kid. But here I realize that I love everything about Christmas- the lights, the music, the decorations, the food and all of these little things mean so much to me. I remember last year thinking "at this time next year I will be in Korea." Well here I am! I can't believe this time has come. I haven't seen my dad or Sam and Michele and Ada since last Christmas. A year is a long time and I miss my family. I just sent some Christmas cards in the mail though so hopefully you have one coming your way!

My Ever-Changing Heart

2009-11-24T04:18:00.001-08:00

After finding myself in unprecedented tears the last couple of nights, I need to do some reflecting. The emotions start when I think of saying goodbye to two dear friends next weekend. As my time in Korea is winding down, I am starting to have to say goodbyes to precious people in my life. And I hate it. Goodbyes make me a mess. I am the girl who bawled in Mr. Wallin's 8th grade algebra class on the last day of school because it was the last time we would all be in that class together. I was an utter wreck on my last day of high school. And I was unconsolable when the last episode of Friends aired on TV. I take goodbyes the hardest when I know something will never be the same again- when I know a moment lived with these exact people in these exact circumstances will never occur again. The fact that I like change and give my heart away so easily doesn't help this sitch. I feel deeply for people and love to connect with them- thus making goodbyes harder and more frequent in an international life.

I have been wondering if this need of mine to connect with people intimately is selfish. I think it is partly, because I want others to cherish me. But I know empathy is also a gift from God. I am fearing that if I give my heart away to everyone, when the time comes around to give it to just one person, I won't know how. I will want to continue to give it away to everyone. Is this just how God made me- to belong to many and not just one? I'm scared of this but also scared of having to learn to guard myself. I always saw guarded people as prude and prude people annoy me- they are legalistic and no fun. I know this is ridiculous of me to think. It is good to be guarded in some ways and I should not judge the prude (that just made me laugh). But I do not know the art of protecting myself. And this has led to much hurt. I know there is a balance to be found between open-heartedness and protecting oneself. I hope to find it but am having serious doubts that I can. But I know that if this issue is in any way a hindrance to further fruitful relationships or ministry, the Lord can change me. He is the only thing that has ever changed anything about me.

These thoughts have got me thinking about being in Korea and living an international life in general. I have my heart and mind set on more international trips and missions. I think I am facing the truth about that kind of life. It brings more goodbyes and heartaches- but also joy beyond comprehension. For the first time I am doubting leaving Korea. My time here with Christ and with people has been so fruitful. Is it dumb for me to leave? Not saying that my time back home can't be fruitful- I have an outstanding church and community of friends there and my family draws me like no other. Don't worry, I am coming home....but the question is for how long? The truth is, leaving here, coming there, leaving anywhere (I sound like Dr. Seuss) will always be very hard for me. I just have to let my heart be led not by the trillions of people that I love, but by the will of God. And I know he will lead me to the right people in the right time. But that doesn't make it easy. Thus my tears of sadness, confusion, uncertainty, and impatience. And I find myself fighting the comfort of the Father at first. I want to wallow sometimes......

But then the Spirit faithfully beckons me, brings me to my senses and reminds me that he is in control, is good and trustworthy. This year I have really identified with the woman at the well from John 4. Jesus pursued her patiently, knowing fully her past of infidelity. But he gently persisted to show her the truth of his love for her, even as her hard, unbelieving heart kept turning back to sin. Jesus words from verses 13 and 14 have opened eyes and heart and have saved me: "Everyone who drinks of this water (from the well, the world) will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." Nothing can fill, comfort or satisfy me more than the living water that is Christ and that he gives me in return- a whole spring in fact.

So even in this moment I have come full circle. In all of the lessons that I have learned this year, this is where I end up- trusting who Christ is and being fully satisfied with that, despite the inevitable goodbyes and heartaches. Whew, that felt good to get out!

but I will still really miss Billy and Adam :(

In Korea.....

2009-11-18T05:10:00.000-08:00

In Korea.....

-I take an elevator to my home everyday

-I ride the bus or subway everyday

-I use a fingerprint identification to get into my school

-I don't have a dryer

-I hand wash my dishes and can't drink the water

-I have a toilet in my shower

-I have never seen a spider

-I say anyeung haseyo, kamsamnida and chuseyo everyday

-I don't have an oven

-my hair is considered yellow

-my English is depleting

-I eat some form of seaweed and rice everyday

-I have learned how to stirfry

my life is completely different from what it was a year ago- in these small ways and in much bigger ways as well. where will I be in Nov. 2010? hmmmm......

Seoul Forest & 5 Days of Bliss

2009-11-09T06:40:00.000-08:00

I just had 5 of the best days ever! To sum it all up, we got 3 sudden days off school due to swine flu concerns. The teachers won an epic battle at Maple Bear too. They tried to make us take the days unpaid but ugh uh, we did our research and found that we were entitled to 70% of our wages- and we got it!! I was feeling so burnt out so it was just PERFECT timing. A true bl essing from God. So I slept, I cleaned, I caught up on shows (I watch Glee, Grey's Anatomy, Project Runway, The Office and 30 Rock in case you were wondering!), I read, I met with friends, I went to Seoul Forest and I went to my church's women's retreat. Going to the women's retreat was very unexpected. I have a job at a church on Saturdays that I didn't think I could get out of. But my friend Andrew from church stepped up and looked for a substitute for me and another brother from church (Eddie) graciously agreed to fill in for me! Then I had to get permission from my boss and she blessed the sitch. So last minute, I'm going. All of this was obviously orchestrated by God because it was the most refreshing, uplifting, confirming 5 days! I could go on and on about the retreat but that's for another post.

Here are some pics from lovely Seoul Forest. Fellow teachers Brittney, Ali, Anna and I packed a picnic, trekked up the green line and had a heavenly day taking in the fall colors and biking around the park. I was in utter bliss riding my bike in the sun, admiring the leaves, and taking pictures all on a day that I should have been working- and I was getting paid for it! Praise Him sista, brotha!

What is a picnic without a little tree posing?
See my turtle Allie's long distant Korean cousin taking in the late fall sun on the rock?
I snapped many pics as I rode my bike. This is Brittney in front of me.
Pinwheel garden!
Sculpture in the "handi-capped play area." English in Korea is rarely PC!
Anna and Brittney.
Me and my bike. I wished it was yellow. But that's ok.
Fall is beautiful around the globe!
nice little grove
We ate pb&j, gimbap, apples and bananas- my typical Korean menu (minus broccoli)!
simply gorge.

Everyday Life

2009-10-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

I realize that I haven't been the best at writing about my everyday life and "Korean" experiences here. I guess I'm just used to the Korean way now and so I neglect to mention the everyday things. I was inspired by my friend Ali's blog. She is a new teacher at my school and does a great job of documenting the little things. Check out her blog for some beautiful fall pics of my neighborhood and a recent game of Korean Monopoly that a bunch of us played!

http://www.fromkoreawithlove.com/

Here are just some random pictures. I will try to write about more of my everyday life- especially because I'm only here for 4 more months. It is already bittersweet thinking of that. I always think about coming home, but cry whenever I think of leaving my students. Sigh....

I recently took my kids outside to sketch the fall colors and the river. It was really peaceful and really sweet. I will never forget this day.

Rachel and Ellie enjoying each other's art.

This is a Dunkin' Donuts that I frequently go to on my walk to school. It is very bright and clean in here, but quiet in the mornings. And the girls that work here know how I like my coffee without having to ask- regular with cream only- no sugar!

This is the bus stop near my school heading home. So I usually stand here after a long day when I don't feel like walking. I take the 55-1 (which cost 900 won) or the 3-1 (which costs 700 won) which drops me off a little further away from home than the 55-1. But sometimes the 55-1 is so slow!

Here is my class again sketching the Tancheon River. You can walk across those rocks and there are little green lights in them that light up at night. I love this river. I use it for exercise, clean air, fresh smells, or just a peaceful walk.

Red Bear Quotes

2009-10-20T04:04:00.001-07:00

I started a quote board in my class because they are always saying amazing things. Here are some of my favorites. Just imagine cute little Korean accents delivering these.....

"I never gonna eat this salad- even when I'm 32 like you Miss Bonnie!" -Tony

"Miss Bonnie, if you married a snail, he would always come home late." -Jason

"Miss Bonnie, you don't have a husband at your home so can I have the rest of your cake, pleeeease?" -Jason

Can you tell Jason is obsessed with me getting married? :) And since the new teacher in Violet Bear is a guy, I'm constantly being teased about kissing Mr. Tony (and Mr. Joe). I try to tell them with a stern face that it's not nice to tease about those things but I just end up laughing and then they laugh at me more. They laugh at me a lot- when I sing the weather song in different voices and styles, when I make funny faces, when I sing funny, when I dance, when I use my magic wand (and especially when my wand breaks) and when I try to speak Korean. I love them so much.

The above pic is them in their hanboks which they wear for traditional Korean holidays. It was Chuseok- their Thanksgiving.

My Korean Birthday

2009-10-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

Well this year my birthday was unique to say the least! It was a very long celebration filled with many emotions and amazing people. I am 27 now and I never would have guessed that this is where I would be at 27- not just geographically speaking. Birthdays come quicker every year it seems, but there is still something magical about your birth date. At times I was excited, sad, annoyed, grateful, joyful, surprised, scared, and always reflective. I was very emotional when I woke up in the morning alone with my mom and sister's packages waiting for me and when I watched Travis and Jayna's video to me. This continued when I met for a Bible study and went to church. I was emotional because I wasn't with my family but also because I was just thinking of all that God has done in my life thus far and how He planned for me to be exactly who am at this point in time. He is so good and trustworthy and he has been pursuing me all of these years. I was humbled. I will give you a list of all the happenings of the weekend (oh this is all after my students threw a "surprise" party for me at school and showered me with cards and little gifts, sang to me, gave me a great class card, and had cake) :

Saturday night (the 10th)
-had dinner with friends from work at my favorite restaurant "Our Place" in Itaewon (see pic below). They paid for my dinner, surprised me with birthday cheesecake and a song, got me presents and there was a surprise fireworks show in the distance to help celebrate!
-we moved the party to Hungdae- a hip area in Seoul. I had never really been there and wanted to check out some cool places. So Brittney, Ali, Alix and I danced on the subway to some K-Pop (Korean pop music) over there
-went to a great little place called Xylophone for some atmosphere and delicious strawberry and soju!
-went to Zen Bar, met my friend Kenny there and met lots of random people who were excited that it was my birthday! And a double plus- nobody guessed I was turning 27. They all guessed low 20's. Phew!
-went to S Club and danced for a while
-went to noraebang (private karaoke room) with some random dudes who asked us to on the street. they were American and it was fun (even though I was falling asleep by the end)
-took a taxi home and got annoyed that he didn't have a GPS and I had to wake up and figure out where we were and tell him where to go!
-got 2 hours of sleep

Sunday (the 11th)
-woke up and first felt excited that it was my birthday then cried when I saw my mom and Becky's packages. couldn't open them yet cause I knew I would cry harder and I had to pull myself together for church!
-met my Bible study group for coffee and sandwiches. It was a blessed and intimate sharing time.
-waited in the sun to journal for an hour before church and surprise- my friend Chelsea Globe from the States calls me on my Korean cell phone! we had a great conversation and of course she made me cry more!
-sat alone at church but it was great
-had choir practice
-Adam calls me and asks if he can come pick me up on his MOTORCYCLE to take me to a birthday dinner with him and Billy! I squeal and say yes!
-enjoy a beautiful (and a little bit scary!) ride through Gangnam with Adam.
-went to batting cages as we waited to get a seat at the restaurant. I hit 3 out of 20 balls and my arms have never been so sore afterward!
-eat breakfast for dinner at Butterfingers- a heavenly restaurant chain in Seoul! I had the french toast, eggs, sausage, and potatoes. Billy and Adam treated me and also got me a present. they felt bad cause they couldn't come to my dinner the night before. they are the sweetest...
-went to Seven Monkeys where the 3 of us always play Settlers of Catan together! Adam really creamed us that night and I sucked it up. But that's ok- it was my birthday!
-took the most crowded bus ride of my life home. had to stand in the tippy front practically in the bus drivers lap for the whole 25 minutes home!
-get home at 10:30 and opened my packages.
-exhausted!

Billy and Adam at dinner with me. They stole the camera when I was in the bathroom and took this. They are dear, dear friends.

My group at dinner: Jessica, me, Alix, Carolina, Ali, Brittney, Stephanie, Minh

Adam let me pretend to drive!

New fall coat and a helmet!

27 in Korea

Pen Pals

2009-10-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

My sister Becky and I decided that it would be cool if our classes could be pen pals together. She has a first grade class at Triad in Klamath Falls, OR and I have these kindergarteners in Korea. So my class just got done writing our first letters to them. They are so precious and I'm so proud of my kids for writing so well- they are only 6 years old and English is their second language! I gave them direction as to what to write, but they thought of most of the sentences by themselves. They are funny too and I thought I would share some of their writing:

Dear Wyatt,

Hello! How are you feeling today? I like Bumblebee. I like red because apples are red. I like Jason my friend in Red Bear. I like to eat oranges. Do you like car toys? Do you like spiders? Do you like panda bears? Do you like bread? Have fun in school! Write back soon. I love you.

Love, Stanley

Dear Ethan,

Hello! How are you? I'm feeling happy. I'm excited to write you a letter. I like monsters. I have one sister named Diane. My favorite color is blue. I also like monkeys! Do you have a big car? Do you have a sister? Do you like monsters? Is your belly button ticklish? I love you very much! Have fun in school. Write back soon!

Love, Michael

Dear Sunny,

Hello! How are you Sunny? I live in Korea. I am feeling good. How are you feeling? I like to play the piano. Do you? I like to speak English. I like flowers because they smell good. I live in Korea. How old are you? Do you have a brother or sister? Can you swim in the swimming pool? Do you like ballet? I love you! Write back soon. Goodbye!

Love, Ellie

Dear Justice,

I am feeling good. How are you feeling? I am glad to write a pen pal. I live in Korea. I like Korea because the flag colors are red, blue and white. I am excited to write you a letter. I like fruits. My favorite fruits are apples and oranges. I like vegetables too because they're yummy. How old are you? Do you like vegetables? Do you have brothers or sisters? Where do you live? I would like to go to your house. I hope to see you later! I'm excited to get your letter.

Love, Justin

Joy and Sadness

2009-10-06T05:46:00.000-07:00

So Tiffany and Brent's visit is over, but it was so fun while it lasted. It was exhausting because we were out sightseeing every night til late and I still had to work, but it was worth it. I learned to love Seoul even more and it was great to have people in my midst and living with me the whole time. I feel like I have explored the entire Seoul subway system and I felt like an expert in the Korean language as Tiff kept asking me how to say things and I knew how to!
We did so much- let me see if I can recall..... they explored my neighborhood when I was at work, we played pool at Pub 210 twice (and Tiffany convinced the bar tender to give her a huge pro soccer poster off the wall!), they both came to my classroom for the day, we went to a pro baseball game, we explored Insadong and Myeongdong, went to Gyeongbokgung palace, went to a pro soccer game in Suwon, we made good friends with a random stranger, we went to the prison museum, explored Namdaemun market, went up North Seoul Tower at night (and Brent bought Tiff a love lock and linked it forever to the love fence up there!), we had dinner at my favorite restaurant in Itaewon, caught an NFL game on the big screen at Rocky Mountain Tavern, and took the Han River cruise. I drank more Cass (a Korean beer) than I ever intended to and added another "pack" to my abs from laughter.

Tiff and Brent on the Han River cruise with the Rainbow Light Show in the background.

Me and Tiff at Gyeongbokgung pagoda.Harassing the guard (not really!)

A happy threesome!

Life has seemed rather dull and lonely since they left me. It was nice to clean my apartment and sleep in my bed again but, I miss them and can't express enough thanks to them for coming all the way over here (oh and delivering a birthday present from my sister!). I think I have also been down because I realize a very busy season is approaching. I have been spoiled with my time here thus far. I have had plenty of it to do as I please. But now I'm starting to help out on Saturdays at a program for a large church here. I'm grateful for the opportunity it presents me to lead kids in singing, but it feels like a lot of work. Okay, now I just sound like I'm complaining! But Halloween is also approaching at my school which is one of the biggest events of the whole year. We have to deck out our entire classroom in a theme and then run a Halloween event. I feel like I got behind in my lesson planning when Tiff and Brent were here and I'm feeling like a failure teacher lately (don't take this phrase too literally- we use it loosely in the Schwartz home!). Oh, and report cards are due again next week- the thing I hate the most in all the earth. Also, the thought of the holidays coming up and me not being at home with my family is really depressing. And just when I think I have made strides in overcoming a sin, I slip and feel really hopeless. I have no faith in myself. Oh and I'm turning an ancient 27 on Sunday and the thoughts of being a wrinkled, barren bride (if one at all) like to creep up on me.

What is keeping me going and giving me any motivation at all is first and foremost the grace, goodness, truth and love of our Savior. He provides hope and promises that I can cling to. Truly, what would I do and who would I be without Him? Also, seeing my students and loving them everyday is a joy and highlight. Sometimes this job is very tiring, but I realize that if I weren't working with kids, I would wish that I were. And I have the MOST precious group of kids in the whole world in my class everyday. They are obedient, fun, full of personality, loving and smart. I look forward to seeing them everyday. Also, with all the busyness occuring, I know the time will fly by even quicker. At the end of this month I will have only 4 months left in Korea. That is so hard to believe. Of course I'm a little anxious about my plans after that time is up, but I'm trying not to worry about it. I have many things on my plate in the present. And the Lord is doing a million things purposefully in the midst of this craziness that I can't see. And this brings me joy.

Visitors!

2009-09-25T08:19:00.001-07:00

My life is crazy hectic right now, but in a good way- my friends Tiffany and Brent are here visiting me! They arrived here Tuesday night and I cried upon seeing a real live person from home. I am being a tour guide for them for 9 days and a host in my box of an apartment. All three of us are squished in here tightly but, it's fun :) One of my favorite things about their visit so far was taking them to my classroom to meet my students. My kids were so sweet and embraced them and had fun with them and we did a formal type interview. I had the kids write down questions they would like to ask my friend Tiffany and Brent, the real life fireman. Some of the questions were, "Do you like cats?" and "Do you like Hello Kitty?" and "Do you like being a fireman?" and "Do you like Red Bear?" I'm so glad a few of my friends from home could see how precious these kids are and experience their cuteness and brilliance. Tiff fell in love with them- who wouldn't? I will post more about their visit later. Here are a few of their pics so far......

-me and Tiff on the airport bus home from the airport!

-T & B checkin out my view

-T & B at a traditional Korean meal- pork galbi (they loved it, phew!)

-T & B waiting for the subway

-T & B on the subway

Red

2009-09-12T02:18:00.001-07:00

I think I'm still a little red from being surrounded and stared at by every Korean worker at Skin Food who watched me try on mascara they recommended. Have they never seen eyelashes that long? I don't know why I got so embarrassed!

Image Bearers

2009-09-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, I got over myself and took a breather and decided to try this post again- simplified!
I wanted to write about my friends here and how they have been teaching me about Christ-like love. When you travel and live abroad you have the chance to meet some amazing people that you would not know otherwise, but your time with them is very short. So it would be easy to find an excuse in not truly investing in them out of laziness, selfishness or ease. But I find myself connected to my friends here in a special way. We are at similar places in life- single, adventurous, have a certain freedom but are longing for the next step. The people that go to church and seek Christ while living abroad really want it. We are searching for our place around the globe as servant's of Christ. I have seen a genuineness of faith and love in my friends here that has given me perspective. I am reminded that life is a vapor and we should only concern ourselves with investing in things that are eternal. And what is eternal? God, his Word and his people. No matter where I live and for whatever amount of time (not just my year in Korea) people are worth investing in. I have so much to learn about truly loving people. Christ-like love goes so much deeper than we like to think. It is sacrificial, risky, humble, generous, selfless and abundant. My friends here have invested in me and I am so blessed by them. I would like to introduce you to some of them:
This is me with Billy and Adam. They are college buddies who came over here together to teach. I love them! On the surface they are the kind of guys that I would be intimidated by. But in truth they are so friendly, so welcoming, so genuine and so FUN! We play my favorite game together, Settlers of Catan, and I let both of them win once.... :) We met in choir at Jubilee and I'm so glad we are friends. Adam just started seminary here and I'm so excited for him!

This is me and Lisa. She is the kind of girl that I can tell my most intimate struggles and she understands, doesn't judge and offers me truth in return. I have so much to learn from this beauty! She has lived all over the world and is a talented singer. We too met in choir and actually live close to each other which we discovered as we found ourselves on the same bus to church one day!

This is me and Brittney. We work together at Maple Bear and go to church together. I actually inherited her old students. We have had many adventures together including our summer vacation to Jeju Island. I am so grateful for all the help she provided when I first moved here and her generosity with me. She is from Florida- now I have a real reason to go visit there!

This is me and Hannah and Carolina. I met them both in choir as well. Carolina is the director. Hannah and I are now in a small Bible study together. She started as an English teacher here and is now going to seminary. She has so much Godly wisdom that I am learning from! And Carolina is just plain cool. She can speak English, Korean and Portugese! (she lived in Brazil for a big chunk of her life) She is a musician who majored in classical guitar and she is just genuine and fun. I am going to help her with some choir stuff this coming Christmas season.

This is me and Choua. She is from Minnesota and is an RA at a Christian international school here. She is so sweet. She bought me dinner the other night! She has many nieces and nephews as well who she is close to and we talk about them all the time! The other day we had planned to meet at a certain subway stop to go to a friend's birthday party together. She ended up forgetting her phone so we couldn't find or reach each other. Towards the end of our subway journey, lo and behold I see Choua getting off the same train as me! Of all the trains and millions of people, we got on the same train. It was crazy!

God created his children as image bearers of him. Any beauty that lies in us is a reflection of Him. I see so much of God's beauty through these people.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME

2009-09-01T07:00:00.001-07:00

I literally just spend and hour and a half writing a heart felt post with pics and everything about my friends here. CURSE BLOGGER!!! It said there was some dang error in posting. And I can never figure out how to post captions under frikken pictures. Oh I am livid right now. When you are writing a blog don't ever push the back button (like it told me to do) because it will lose your whole post!!!! IRRATENESS! Here is me pulling my hair out in MADNESS!

Six Months and the Swine

2009-08-26T04:55:00.000-07:00

Well this has been an interesting week or two. Last weekend marked my half-way point in Korea! Yep, it's been six months already which is so crazy. I celebrated by doing a little bit of sight-seeing by myself last weekend. It was great. There still is much to see and do that I haven't done yet. And I'm trying to take advantage of the summer months. I guess it stays warm here through October though, so I have time to do more outdoor things. But last weekend I took a long subway ride with a few transfers to north Seoul. I went to Sajik Park which was very peaceful. There were tall trees, old people playing croquet, statues and an old courtyard. I had to search a little to find it- the map wasn't very detailed. But I got there and sat and took pics for awhile.

Then I went to one of the biggest palaces in Seoul called Gyeongbokgung Palace. This palace was originally built in 1395, destroyed by fire during a Japanese invasion in 1592, reconctructed in 1888, damaged again by the Japanese in 1915 and restored again in 1990. In 2007 the restoration was complete. So much history. It was gorgeous- especially the gardens and ponds. I don't know why they are so particularly peaceful, but they are. It was a cloudy day so my pics were kind of dark. But I got some good ones. I caught some sort of a royal guard ceremony at the beginning too.

Then I took a stroll along the Cheonggyecheon stream. This is a stream that is about 5k long and it flows through different downtown parts of Seoul. It is surprisingly clear water and even smelled like a fresh stream with lots of vegetation. There are different walking courses you can do along the stream. I only walked a little bit but it was very nice. There a fountains in some places. And you can even see tiny fish. Lots of people hang out here and wade or wash their feet or hop rocks. I love it.

Then on Sunday our new teachers arrived. 4 of my friends are leaving because they started teaching last August. I'm sad to see them go. They are the ones who first helped me in Korea and I'm very grateful to them. But now I have reasons to visit Toronto! Here's a shout out to Georgia, Christine, Erica and Alix (Alix is staying in Korea though! woohoo!) The new teachers seem great though and I'm sure we will have some fun times. They are all Canadian so Brittney and I remain the lone Americans.

Then on Monday towards the end of my AM class we get the news that a boy from my PM class got the swine (as we have dubbed it). Yes, I'm talking about swine flu. So they cancelled my PM class that day and closed the whole school for Tuesday and Wednesday. Teachers still had to go into work and clean and get some work done though. I feel fine now but there is a chance that maybe I had a bit of the swine last week. I felt fevery and achey and just all around not good (I'm really starting to talk like my students!). I didn't go to the doctor or anything and I got better on my own. This is what happened to my student too- he got better on his own and is okay now. They just have to take precautions to make sure it doesn't spread. Having extra time to plan has been nice and we were able to have a fun goodbye/girls night out last night but it's still not the coolest sitch.

Then today I hear that the parents of my students have banned together and have decided not to send their kids to school tomorrow or Friday either. They are still worried about the swine. And on top of that I find out that two girls are leaving my class permanently and two more are taking month long breaks. I almost broke down crying when I heard this. I didn't get to say goodbye. I feel like the tight-knit, fun, safe community that was my classroom has been broken because of the stupid swine scare. I know it's nobodys fault and parents are just concerned for their kid's health but it makes me sad that my classroom will be suddenly very different. I am so attached to my students. I realized this today. I'm so glad I have another six months with the rest of them. How will I ever say goodbye after a year?

Here are some pics from my adventures mentioned above: me and the girls on our apartment rooftop, the Cheonggyecheon, pagoda at Gyeongbokgung, guard at Gyeongbokgung, statue and croquet players at Sajik Park

NOT gang green

2009-08-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

Maybe this post will be TMI but oh well. My leg infection was a unique part of my Korean experience and I need to document it! Last month I had a small, normal sore on my leg. I thought it was an in-grown hair. Well, I kept picking at it and soon, it got worse.....and worse. And then another sore started forming above it. I have no idea how these things originated. A bug bite seems like a legitimate reason but I really don't think it was. It never itched and it wasn't hurting or sore at first. Well anyway, one day I woke up with shooting pain all the way up my leg to my groin from the sore site. And I could see under my skin where the infection was traveling up a vein in a straight line to my groin. And the redness under the sore kept spreading and getting bigger and it was swollen. So I went to the doctor and I had to have three 15-minute sessions of intravenous antibiotic treatments and I had to take oral antibiotics! It was just scary- I thought I had gang green and would need to amputate my leg. So I braved the needles for 3 days straight with no fainting or severe whooziness (quite an accomplishment for me!) The infection cleared up in a few days just in time for my vacation! The pics don't do it justice. It looked a lot worse. But you can kind of see how the redness was moving up my leg. And the bandage is just for effect! See below for a more pleasant pic!

Rainbow

2009-08-16T04:02:00.000-07:00

Here's a pic of the first rainbow I have seen in Korea. It was so big and so bright and so gorgeous! I gasped when I turned around and saw it. Good thing I had my camera with me!)

"Keep reading Miss Bonnie...."

2009-08-10T22:21:00.000-07:00

We are studying trees, jungles and forests in my kindergarten class right now. Today I was reading a book about trees and there was a lovely line about branches holding animals and rocking them to sleep in the wind. So I busted out in song- it was the perfect moment to sing "Rock-a-Bye Baby in the tree tops....." As I was singing softly, my student Tony interrupts loudly and apathetically, "keep reading, Miss Bonnie." Geez, has my singing gotten that bad? :)

The pic is of Tony, the wise cracker. He is one of my smartest students and is so funny! He takes a loud gasping breath in between each sentence- it cracks me up!

more Jeju pics

2009-08-07T22:00:00.000-07:00

Here are some more of my favorite Jeju pics. See Facebook for more pics and videos!

Jeju Island

2009-08-07T20:29:00.000-07:00

The last week of July was one of my two weeks of vacation this whole year. My other week of vacation will be over Christmas. So having a week off felt like a luxury and I was definitely blessed to go to Jeju Island- Korea's own tropical island. It is a popular vacation spot for Koreans- many honeymooners and such. Jeju was probably the cheapest trip we could do as I really wanted to get out of Seoul for the week. It was a short 1 hour flight to the island.

The overall feel of the island was much more old school, traditional Korea. No modern big city here. As most tropical islands are, it felt more relaxed and out dated (compared to Seoul anyway). I kept thinking I feel like it's 1955. It was a nice change. I wonder if most places, after living in Seoul, will seem outdated. Who knows. I went with my friend Brittney and we had a great time. It only rained one day and we didn't let that stop us from still exploring. Here are some highlights by day:

Monday

-airplane ride! I love airplane rides

-Yeha Guesthouse. New facility- stylish, modern, clean, free internet, free long distance calls (I called my Grandma and Grandpa Schwartz and my grandma didn't believe it was me! My grandpa said, "I didn't like to read about your naked mud wrestling Bonnie..." (see post below) "Grandpa, I wasn't naked!" )

-beautiful beach time!

-stumbled upon outdoor orchestra

-a family of Koreans had their little boys come practice their English with us- they were so kind and sweet

Tuesday

-braved the rain to Manjanggul Lava Tube Caves (reminded me of the lava beds back home but this was just one huge, very long cave)

-conquered the Gimnyeong Hedge maze (designed by a man from Bellingham in the 1980's!)

-got a free bus ride to Mystery Road (you turn your car engine off and it looks and feels like you (and all the other cars on the road) are moving up the hill with no power. But really it's an optical illusion formed by the surrounding topography and you are actually rolling down hill. So weird.)

-Explored Loveland. That's all I will say about that.

-ordered Korean food in for a warm, cozy night after the rain

Wednesday

- ventured to the east side of the island to our new residence- a minbak run by adjimas (old Korean women). We met up with Jenn and Caleb (who is Korean and helped us out very much for the remainder of the trip).

-ate at the famous Women Diver's restaurant (Jeju is famous for their old women who go diving everyday (haenyeos) for fresh seafood no matter what the weather conditions!) and ate seafood porridge and a whole fried baby crab- shell and all. Didn't really like it. Felt like eating a sea shell :(

-walked the scenic country road (with views of Seongsan Ilchulbong- Sunrise Peak) to a ferry terminal. Took the fairy to Udo Island- an island off the island of Jeju!

-rode bikes to a gorgeous beach on Udo and had some great beach/sun/swimming time

-ate watermelon with my friends with a spoon straight out of the melon. Gotta love summer.

-saw stars and the Big Dipper for the first time in 5 months!

Thursday

-hiked to two gorgeous waterfalls (Jeongbang Pokpo and Cheonjiyeon Pokpo)

-hiked to a famous Korean drama location on a cliff overlooking the ocean

-had pork galbi

-talked with an old Korean man who insisted on taking my picture!

-went to another great beach (Jungmun) with perfect swells for body surfing into the shore!

Friday

-slept in (I wasn't feeling well)

-plane ride home

Again, I feel really blessed that I had this experience. It was fun meeting other random foreigners just like us- teachers from Seoul vacationing on Jeju. I was also reading the last book in the Twilight series (Breaking Dawn) for this trip which made it all the more enjoyable!

Here are a few pics of: the crab I ate, Brittney, Jenn and Caleb eating watermelon in front of our minbak, me overlooking the hedge maze, the view from where we layed out at the first beach, Brittney and I at the airport

Isaiah 35

2009-08-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

As someone on a journey of redemption, this is the hope that I cling to:

"The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad;
the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus;
it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing.
The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it, the majesty of Carmel and Sharon.
They shall see the glory of the Lord, the majesty of our God.

Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who have an anxious heart,
'Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance,
with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.'

Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,
and the ears of the deaf unstopped;
then shall the lame man leap like a deer,
and the tongue of the mute sing for joy.
For waters break forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert;
the burning sand shall become a pool,
and the thirsty ground springs of water;
in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down,
the grass shall become reeds and rushes.

And a highway shall be there,
and it shall be called the Way of Holiness;
the unclean shall not pass over it.
It shall belong to those who walk on the way;
even if they are fools, they shall not go astray.

No lion shall be there,
nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it;
they shall not be found there,
but the redeemed shall walk there.
And the ransomed of the Lord shall return
and come to Zion with singing;
everlasting joy shall be upon their heads;
they shall obtain gladness and joy,
and sorrow and sighing shall flee away."

Mud Fest!

2009-07-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I ventured to the western coast of the Korean peninsula to the small town of Boryeong with 10 of my friends from work for a slight little gathering called MUD FEST!! Just joking about being slight- hundreds and hundreds of people attend this event- Koreans and foreigners alike! It was crazy. I guess Koreans like to use mud for skin purposes and so the event was to expose people to the great mud they have around here I guess. But really, that's just an excuse for people to get together and mud wrestle! Seriously, that's all it was. And mud sliding, mud slinging, mud bouncing, mud showers, mud fighting- everything muddy! There was this huge shallow plastic pool type thing and my group of friends came to the side of it to watch. Well there is no such thing as an innocent bystander at Mud Fest- the crazy people pull you into the pit to wrestle with them! So yes, I mud wrestled with many, many scantily clad strangers! Man, was it fun! You can jump on people and pull them down by their legs. Oh, it was awesome! Then you jump in the ocean (called the Yellow Sea, I learned) to clean off and do it all over again!

In all honesty, the fun only occurred on the first day. The second day was seriously a monsoon. I have never seen so much rain in my life than the past 4 days here in Korea. We were not prepared for the rain at the beach and our pancheon (guest house/hotel) was really far from the beach. So we had no choice but to walk in the rain and get drenched in whatever we were wearing. That part was really miserable actually. But at least the wetness is warm. All in all, it was a truly memorable weekend and I love my friends here even more! Here are some pics: most in the mud and one with our cheap raincoats we bought at the convenient store for a chance at survival. Yes, we do look like the Maple Bear KKK!

a journal entry

2009-07-03T07:05:00.000-07:00

(so sorry for the cheesy Twilight reference, but I'm reading it right now and identified with it tonight!)

Lonely tonight. I needed to be around people- even if I can't understand their words and I'm the only one sitting without a companion here. Starbucks is familiar- though a little too familiar at certain moments tonight. They are playing music from home. R.E.M. reminds me of Bellingham and Melanie and my dad. The Wallflower's "One Headlight" reminds me of Becky and the feelings of comfort and ease that she brings. Dave Matthews reminds me of Seattle. So many memories- too hard to embrace at first because they make me cry. But I breathe deep and blink my eyes a lot and hold it in. I think of Hudson and the reality of him and that makes me happy. Though I feel so alone with my thoughts and memories and part of me wants to bury them because it's hard not living them and being so far away from their reality, I am stronger now to recall them than I was before. This is only because I have embraced that Christ knows the finite details of my past even better than I. He was with me through every pain and happy moment and knows how each moment has contributed to who I am sitting here today. He is the only one who has seen EVERYTHING and knows me better than I know myself. I used to be like Bella from Twilight. The pain of not being with Edward paralyzes her- makes it so she can't breathe. So she doesn't let herself remember. I know the feeling of that pain so much- when the reality of what you think you need is so far from your grasp. So you search for something else, anything, that will make you feel better- make you not feel or face the truth of your hurt and disappointment (like Bella does with Jacob- only to be hurt again). But I have graciously been shown and felt that trying to fill those holes with anything other than Christ doesn't work and buries you deeper into despair. With Him I have strength to remember, to embrace reality and not just endure it, but rejoice in it because it is His way and not my own. And the unwavering truth of Him and who he makes me right now, which I used to run from, is now so liberating. As scripture says, the truth has set me free. Not that I still don't hurt and cry ( the latter, I do a lot!). But now I'm not crying because I'm not getting my way, it's because the truth is so good.

proud aunt

2009-07-02T02:01:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to announce my excitement over my new little nephew- Hudson Robin Engman. I am so in love with this name- good job Melanie (my sister) and Eric and congratulations! I really wish I was there but I'm so excited about a whole lifetime of memories with this new member of our family. I haven't even seen a pic but I know he is precious.

Hudson- Your Aunt Bonnie loves you and thinks about you every minute. I wish I could hold you as a tiny baby but we will have lots of time together later! You were uniquelly made in God's image and we are all so excited to watch you grow!

Mel, Eric and Ethan- I'm sorry I'm not there. It's really hard for me. I'm praying for your transition and I'm so excited for your family. I love you so much.

Wow, I have 4 nephews and 2 nieces now. How did that happen? It's such a joy to watch our family grow like this. I keep wondering if and how I will contribute to the brood someday. I guess I'll have lots of baby-sitters! Praise God for new life!

my favorite night

2009-06-28T08:11:00.000-07:00

I had probably my favorite night in Korea yet last night. I went to a fancy dinner with 8 of my closest friends from Jubilee (my church here) who I sing with. We met to talk about our role in the Creative Arts Ministry at Jubilee. I am just so blessed by them and how they embraced me so quickly to serve and feel loved. We had this amazing meal on this rooftop terrace at an Italian restaurant called Our Place in Itaewon. The weather was perfect- warm with a cool breeze. And we caught the sunset and then a city-light filled night. Great food, great wine, great fellowship.

Here are a few pics: a view from our table, billy and adam, sunset with North Seoul Tower very small on the right hill, me and Lisa, and the whole crew.

Buh-rad-uh

2009-06-23T03:07:00.000-07:00

My students say the funniest things everyday but one thing that they consistently do is add extra syllables to English words. They constantly say "yes-uh" for "yes." And my favorite one was said today. Jun stretched Brad's name into three syllables: "Buh-rad-uh."

Humidity + Hardship = Humbled

2009-06-21T07:33:00.001-07:00

Wow, I can't even believe how long it's been since I last posted. I thought maybe it was like a week or two- nope. Almost a month! Sorry. I apparently have been busy. Very busy. I had a huge art show at school that took a lot of preparation and extra hours at school. It was a very successful event but a lot of work for just a few hours. Oh and then the very next week I had report cards due. Let me tell you about report cards at Maple Bear. They are not simple little report cards where you give each student a letter grade. No, you have to write a novel about each student on their speaking, reading, writing, math, pe and social awareness. And I have 21 students people. All of that, plus me being ridiculously slow and distracted, made for 3 nights of doing report cards for 6 hours straight at home. Report cards are probably the part of this job that I dislike the most. And now I have to start another round of parent/teacher conferences this week and next. It never ends!
Korean summer has begun and from what I have assessed so far, I will pretty much die by the end of the summer. You know the heat and humidity is bad when I cancel a trip to Forever 21 just because I can't handle walking in the wetness! Yesterday I was all excited to go (in my apartment with the AC on I can't really tell what it feels like outside) and when I stepped outside and walked for about a block I was like nuh uh. No way this is happening today. It was just raining buckets and buckets and it was just so wet. It's so different from Seattle rain. Seattle is so dry compared to here and that seems like a crazy thought. And I heard it only gets worse! July is suppose to be the rainiest and most humid month. I'm praying desperately for patience and survival! And at least everyone is gross and nasty so there is no judgement for damp skin, sweaty backs and shiny faces!
I just got home from a wonderful event at my church celebrating it's 3rd anniversary. I got to sing in an acapella group for it. I have been tremendously blessed at Jubilee. It is such an inviting community of people with genuine passion for Christ that is so evident. I am making friends with some great people who love and encourage and are just real and fun. I want to learn how to serve my church community better with my specific gifts and for me this will take much faith and obedience. I admit that I have so much to learn when it comes to loving and serving people and my heart wants to do that better. What an amazing Father we have. I am so grateful that he saved me and forgave me and is never done with me. I have come so far and still have so far to go.
Yesterday when I didn't go shopping I ended up heading to the closest Starbucks and reading Twilight (yes, I caved to the pressure from my friends!). Randomly in the middle of reading, a certain part reminded me of my Grandma and Grandpa Schwartz's house and I started crying just thinking of being in their house with them and the smell. It was a mix of nostalgia, homesickness and feeling sorry for myself for being alone in a random cafe in Korea. But then I thought, Bonnie, hello. You're alone in a random cafe in Korea! How often will I get to say that in my life?! This is a rare time and I'm so blessed to be here. When I'm gone I will look back fondly on this moment and time. And I ended up loving the moment instead of resenting it. Many moments have gone like this lately. They start out difficult and I cry and whine and then God reminds me of his truth and grace and love for me and I end up being grateful and humbled. This is how we grow- through trial that tests the genuineness of our faith. My faith was recently weak, but I'm seeing it grow stronger everyday by the work of the Spirit in me. I am loving God more everyday and that alone is worth all the hardship.

Haircut, Healthcheck and Homesick

2009-05-31T03:29:00.000-07:00

With the way my hair was layered the last time I got it cut in Seattle, it was growing out to look like Carol Brady when her hair flipped out at the end. I sort of want to grow my hair out so I was tolerating it for awhile but then I just couldn't take it any longer. So I navigated my way to a salon that my friends told me about. It was easy to find and looked very nice. I walked in and the girl at the counter spoke little to no English. We danced around many subjects with no success of communicating for a while and then finally she whipped out a pad of paper and could read better than she could understand. So I found out the price (only 12000 won which is an amazing price for a shampoo, cut and style- this is only like $12 and in the US I pay $55!) and we proceeded to sketch out how I wanted my hair cut. I was a little nervous because we were just using drawings and hand motions to work out the details, but I wasn't freaking out- my hair grows fast! And it actually turned out perfect- just how I wanted. It was a great experience and I can't wait to go back!
It's required by Korean law that private institutions have regular health checks for their employees. So even though I just got a health check when I first arrived in Korea, I had to get another one. But this time the many doctors and nurses came to our school with a bus for doing xrays and everything. Joe, who works at our school and takes care of us teachers, was kind of running the show. When my turn came he told me to go outside into the xray bus and take off my underwear. I was like, "really, everything? my underwear?" and he said yes. I was like ok, whatev. So I go out there and double checked cause I just had a feeling this could be very embarrassing. So I said, "Really Joe. I take off all my clothes, my pants and everything?" And he's like, "Oh no, just everything on the top." So either he didn't know the word bra or was just too embarrassed to say it. I'm so glad I asked and didn't totally strip down because they had to come into the little xray room because I wasn't standing correctly for the xray. I was told to hug the xray machine (it was for a chest xray). So I hugged it and thought it was a little funny because I was just hugging the bottom of it (this is sort of hard to explain) and my chest didn't even reach the xray part. So they had to come in and tell me to step on the obvious stool right in front of me as I was wearing this medical robe thing. So it turned out to be embarrassing anyways.
And then I go inside. They checked my sight, hearing, height, weight, blood pressure, took a blood sample and I had to pee- not in a cup, no, on a flimsy little short strip of paper. They provided no gloves and the bathroom wasn't even close. So you had to go pee in the bathroom, try to zip up your pants with one hand cause the pee strip is in the other and then walk down the hall of the whole school with the pee strip in your hand, walk into the room with all the doctors and reveal to them the color. Luckily mine was the right color and then you just throw it in the garbage. Classy. Good thing I'm easy going. But even before this when they were checking my height and weight, all of the doctors got a good laugh at my expense. They told me to step on the scale (their English was very minimal) and so I did. Ok, I was a little shy and nervous about stepping on the scale and getting this health check in this big open room with a million Korean doctors, so no, I didn't see the two big pictures of feet on the scale showing me which way to stand. So I stood the wrong way. And then I hear the machine turn on (it's this automated thing that comes down on top of your head to measure your height. So because I was facing the wrong way and couldn't see it, I screamed and the thing came down and hit me on the shoulder, not my head. The doctors were laughing for so long at me! I just knew they thought I was this American idiot! I was like "Stop laughing!" but they didn't. The whole thing was just ridiculous! But I guess I'm healthy- no bad reports!
Finally, I think I'm getting homesick. I mean, I have always missed my family and friends back home but this week I just felt really down and mundane and started to cry easily when I thought of family and being alone. I have passed the 3 month mark and I think a little of the excitement has worn off and March 1, 2010 still seems like a very long ways away. So I made sure to go out on Saturday, even though I wasn't feeling well, to see something cool. So I went to one of the many palaces here- this one was originally built in 1405 and had a secret garden with beautiful ponds. It was great. And then I saw Terminator with a friend and went to Oktoberfest (a German restaurant) where my friend ordered me the most giant beer I have ever witnessed. I don't even like beer, but I drank a pretty good amount! It felt good on my throat ;) It was funny seeing Korean waitresses dressed in German outfits- just like it was weird when I was in Spain and a Chinese man was speaking Spanish to me at a Chinese restaurant! Cool, but confusing! Anyways, there is still much to do and see in Korea and I'm fine and very blessed.

It's a Small World

2009-05-24T04:28:00.000-07:00

I have realized in so many ways lately how we really do live in a small world. There is truth to this cliche! Here is why I think so:

-I met an English teacher today from Vancouver, WA
-I saw a Korean girl wearing a UW sweatshirt while I was walking today
-I met a guy at church from Bellevue and he is really nice. He left for Korea right around the same time that I did. He wrote on my Facebook and my friend Grace from Seattle saw his post and it turns out that they are old friends who haven't talked in awhile. So crazy!
-Some of my friends from choir here listen to Pastor Mark's (Driscoll- from my Seattle church, Mars Hill) sermons every week online and seem to know more about him and his family than me!

So even though I'm so far away, I see and feel pieces of home from time to time (not to mention it's amazing to stay so connected with people online- Skype, Facebook etc. are awesome!) There are parts of the world that might seem so unreachable to us. I often have this desire to know the ways of life of people all around the world. I'm just very curious and like to try and see life from other people's perspective (channeling Atticus Finch here...). This desire and heart of mine is a gift from God but I have often used it wrongly in the past. I have been too easily swayed in my attempt to understand people. I need his strength to sustain me in this. But when I think about reaching the unreachable or going to the impossible place, it can be daunting- how could I relate to people there, how could I know them, how could I survive? But I am very blessed to see here that God is everywhere and he is the same everywhere- he created all people and loves them immeasurably and his grace and blessing and goodness abound everywhere! I am so blessed to experience and see his grace and love in this new place. God is giving me a heart for the people of the entire globe and nothing is impossible through him.

Recent pics

2009-05-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics as described in my post below:

-Little me in front of Lotte World castle

-Brittney, me and Lyndsey (Brittney's visiting sister) in the 3-D Ghost Town

-The inside portion of Lotte World taken by me up in a hot air ballon (the orange things you see near the top of the photo)

-A shot from the peaceful garden at our church retreat at The National Youth Center of Korea- a beautiful facility

-North Seoul Tower

Korea and all that it is

2009-05-16T06:07:00.000-07:00

Man, I just started crying seeing pictures of my niece Ada- she just turned 1! I have been emotional lately. Today on the bus going to a concert I started crying so hard listening to a sermon. I had to compose myself! And at the concert today I teared up a few times just listening to the sweet music.
Have you ever seen the movie "Once" ? It's an independent film about an Irish street musician whose dreams of making an album come true after befriending a humble girl off the street. It's really good- you should see it. But those two musicians- Glen Hansard (also of the band "The Frames") and Marketa Irglova- are now touring together in real life playing the music from the film and their album "The Swell Season." Their concert was part of the Seoul Jazz Festival. It was just a sweet, organic, heartfelt concert that displayed true talent. We were totally in the nosebleeds but there wasn't much to see anyway- listening was the most important part.

Next week I will have been here 3 months. I am a pregnancy away from coming home. (no I'm not pregnant! Just the timing is the same....) I am loving and appreciating Korea for what it is more and more. I'm so glad I'm not just here on vacation. I just feel like I know some of the quirks and familiarities of Seoul that are too numerous to tell you- the fashion, the transportation, the bathrooms, the restaurants, the shopping, the language, the music, the food, the weather, the traditions and the millions and millions of people! The streets are always unbelievably crowded. Even this weekend as it has been pouring down rain, everyone is out with their umbrellas bumping into one another moving at just as fast a pace (in heels) as if it were a sunny day. Every time I go out I'm amazed thinking of the amount of people that live here and I just think, this is their life, their city, their culture, and I want to understand it more.
Just like every city, Seoul has it's goods and bads. To name a few: Bads- commercialism, materialism, heinous schooling and pressure on the kids to achieve, and a frequent stench! Goods- creativity, efficiency, generosity, rich history (one that I admire so much- look at the oppression and war that SK suffered through only to come out totally on top!), and a solid government. I just admire this place so much and am so blessed to get to live here and experience it and know the people.
I continue to see more of the sights regularly on the weekends. Since I last wrote about Seoul I hiked up trillions of stairs to North Seoul Tower. This is a huge landmark in Seoul on a hill (kind of like the Space Needle) that you can see from most anywhere in the city. It was a hot day and we weren't prepared for the trek (I was wearing jeans and flip-flps and had a heavy bag) so I was kind of grumpy hiking up (I really hate sweating when I'm not prepared for it!) but it was totally worth it at the top. In the tower you get a 360 degrees view of the city which helped me to visualize the layout of Seoul better and the different neighborhoods. I like geography and knowing maps and directions so it was helpful to me.
I also went to Lotte World which is a medium sized amusement park here! Half of it is inside and the other half is out. Parts of it are totally cheesy but they did have some awesome rollercoasters and the Gyro Drop- kind of like the Drop Zone or Tower of Terror if you have ever been on one of those. It's just a huge pole and they take you to the top and then drop you! So fun! Rollercoasters are one of my favorite things in the world! Brittney and Lyndsey got a taste of how I just scream and laugh hysterically the whole time I'm on a ride! I'm definitely going back some time!
I also had my church retreat last weekend and on Friday was Teacher's Day so I was showered with flowers and candy and cards. It was wonderful and I felt so blessed! I love my kids so much. Here are some of the things they wrote me in their cards. I am adding punctuation (they have learned about punctuation but definitely haven't mastered it) but I will keep their wording exactly how they wrote it.

-Dear Bonnie, I love you. I think you are a genius. Love, Sam
-Dear Miss Bonnie, Thank you for teaching me. You're very nice teacher. I love you. Full to love, Rachel
-To Bonnie, I will say I love you, to you. Love, Julie
-Dear Bonnie Teacher, Thank you for teaching me. I love you. Sincerely, Grace
-Dear Miss Bonnie, I love you Miss Bonnie. Thank you. Love, Justin
-Dear Miss Bonnie, I love you Bonnie so much. Thank you very much. I love you Bonnie. Love, Paul
-Miss Bonnie, Thank you for all the fun and happy times I have at school. Sarah

I write those just to show you how sweet they are. I love them. The pics show some of their notes and my array of flowers and cards.

"Full to love"-
Bonnie

Missions

2009-05-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

I just got back from an amazing church retreat. The weather was gorgeous and I had some peaceful quiet time- I haven't felt that serene since being in Korea. I am making some wonderful and heartfelt friends at Jubilee who love God and each other. What a blessing. But the theme for the retreat was missions. The speaker was amazing- Dr. Michael Oh who is a missionary in Japan where there are only 0.2% Christians there. He obediently went to a mission field deemed hopeless by so many and started a seminary to build up young Christian leaders there. But God is great and can do anything- there is hope for the gospel to spread in Japan. But anyways, through his words God affirmed some things that I have been learning and studying on my own. I have been listening to some John Piper sermons lately and Dr. Oh was actually a speaker at Piper's Desiring God conference in February and spoke about things I had just listened to myself in a Piper sermon. God just pressed upon my heart a compassion to bring the gospel to people who are hurting, who don't know it and could be saved by God's redemption and love. How often are we consumed with ourselves and forget about this vast world of people who don't even know of the freedom they could have in Christ? I think some sort of missions might be in my future, whether it's short term or long term, I don't know. The truth is, there is a mission field wherever we go. I am starting to have a heart for this. I have been consumed with myself for way too long.

Seoul much charm....

2009-04-28T04:26:00.000-07:00

Me with my new Pippy shirt and lotus lantern given to me!

This gracious woman helped me make this flower!

Lanterns everywhere! This is the Cheonggyecheon River near Insadong.

I fell in love with this GIANT turtle!

Spring has been so gorgeous here. First there were the cherry blossoms which are gone now, but cherished in their short time. Now everything else is in bloom- pink, purple and white flowers everywhere. I live along the Tancheon River which I have mentioned before, and it also runs along my walk to school. It rained a lot last week so this week things are so green and lush. The mornings have been so bright and in the evenings when I run the sun has just gone down and it sets a soft background for the green, flowers, and flowing river. There is so much beauty all around and I am so grateful. Creation is evidence of our great God.

I feel like a lot has been happening. Last week at school was so busy filling out my first set of report cards and this week I have parent/teacher interviews (conferences). This has made me pay closer attention to my students and their abilities and evaluate what I need to teach more or less of. It has been a helpful time I guess- just very busy. But I have a student (Sam) who keeps calling me a beautiful princess so it makes it easier!

I also have done several more things around Seoul. This last weekend was particularly busy. I went to the tallest building in Seoul called the 63 Building (63 floors) which has an IMAX theater, art gallery, aquarium, mall, and fancy restaurants. I went and toured all of that with a friend which was very fun. The aquarium was sort of small, but it was pretty good. I had to build up the nerve to stick my finger in one of those tanks where the fish eat your dead skin. Ewww, it gave me the creeps and I screamed and immediately drew out my hand! I felt like a sissy considering little babies were doing it, but whatev. I had a very fancy meal in a restaurant on the 59th floor with a great view of the city.

Then on Sunday was the Lotus Lantern Festival. I guess it is in celebration of Buddha's birthday which I'm obviously not into but I'm glad I went to experience this great cultural event. There were numerous booths set up where you could make various crafts for free. I made a paper lotus lantern, a beautiful fan and an orange flower. It was so much fun and these crafts now decorate my apartment. The day culminated with a night time lantern parade which was gorgeous and very well done. There were many huge floats and hundreds of people walking with various colored lamps and lanterns (see pics on Facebook). People walking even gave me and the girls in my group some of the lanterns they were carrying. So nice. It was a cold and sometimes rainy day and I wasn't prepared for that (I tend to not wear a coat when I go out cause I end up sweating like a mongrel here) so I bought my new favorite shirt off the street for only 5000 won- a long, light blue Pippy Longstocking sweatshirt that says "in your mind...That's probably the true love" I don't know if this is something that Pippy actually said or if the English is just butchered- that happens a lot here! But I love it. Anyway, it was a great weekend full of Seoul much charm- get it? :) I'm loving Korea more and more.

I have been reminded lately of my utter depravity and it has been humbling. Things have been going well for me here my first couple of months (yes, it's been over 2 months now!) and as soon as I start to give myself some credit and take pride, I am reminded by my quickness to sin that I am nothing good without Christ. He has given me the grace, strength and ability to do his will. On my own I would choose death and I still foolishly do at times. But I know that my identity is in Him- secured by Christ- and when I mess up I can quickly run back to Christ in humility and desperation for his forgiveness and help. What an amazing God to forgive and not regard my sin, but see me as his flawless daughter that he cherishes and delights in. I am praying to not ever seek fulfillment in things other than him-which is hard for me. I am easily enticed. But he is patient and faithful with me- as he is with us all.

Easter

2009-04-17T02:52:00.000-07:00

I had a most memorable Easter this year. It started by singing in and attending this amazing Good Friday service at a huge English speaking church towards Seoul. Three English speaking churches joined together for this service and man was it powerful!! The worship was incredible- I felt so united with these people even though I didn't know them. Many of us are in the same kind of situations- in a foreign country, away from home, but still seeking Christ and community in this new part of the world. I got to sing in the joint choir for this service with a full orchestra behind us. It was wonderful. Then I got to sing with the choir from my church, Jubilee Church (check out the link on the side of this page) for the Easter Gala. The gala was on Saturday and included the orchestra, choir, hip-hop dance (soo awesome! I think I will join for next time!), and a great skit/play. I was so impressed with the quality of these performances. I was just so blessed getting to know the people in my choir more. We are mostly all young and it's just a fun group. And people were so encouraging and kind about my solo (see video link below). I was very uplifted. And then the sermon on Sunday was very powerful- about how Jesus' victory was really in the cross- denying himself to take up our cross and finish his mission. The pastor hit home that when we deny ourselves and take up our crosses daily, those are small victories worthy of rejoicing over. That was really encouraging for me to here because I feel like my faith is being tested over here and I know I should rejoice in the hardships. Enjoy the video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZOZw6u3P7I

Red Bear Update

2009-04-17T02:26:00.000-07:00

School has been so busy lately- sorry I haven't shared my comings and goings in awhile. I have been observed and video taped this week and I had to fill out my first set of report cards this week- we have to do them every two months. But I am loving my students more and more! They have these great personalities and I am either laughing at them, with them or making them laugh all the time (okay, and occassionally scolding...). But they are the most tight knit, fun group. They are all friends and have welcomed our two new students with open arms. I am up to 15 in my AM class which is the maximum they allow in the classrooms here. It feels like many in my small classroom but it's doable.

We have been doing some fun things lately- learning about the 5 senses, Easter egg hunt, and our first field trip to a cool garden a few days ago where the kids got to plant and take home their own flower. These kids are so smart and I am constantly worrying that I'm not teaching them enough. But I have fun coming up with things to do with them. Today we did some experiments on sounds vibrations, we have made piano keyboards when we studied Chopin, and we have fun singing songs and doing exercises and PE. Of course Duck, Duck, Goose is a favorite even though they can never do it right! And I played Red Rover, Red Rover with them and they loved it- I later found out that that game is like banned in the US or something cause kids have broken their arms too many times playing it. Whoops....won't be playing that one any more! But I just love being goofy and affectionate with them. They are treasures. Here are some pics:

-outside for our Easter egg hunt (you can see the beautiful spring cherry blossoms in the background.....I live along this river and walk and/or run it everyday!)

-class pic at easter egg hunt

-class pic on field trip

-me helping kids plant flowers

p.s. I thank the Lord for my assistant Amber- she does soooo much!!

Welcome Baby Evan!!

2009-04-13T04:45:00.001-07:00

I am so happy to say that I have a new nephew born on Easter! I am still trying to get used to the idea that Travis and Jayna have a baby brother. I wish so much that I could hold him but I am so grateful for modern technology and that I can see pics and videos of him growing up. Should be interesting! I am so comforted by the fact that he has the best parents to raise him and a super sweet brother and sister.
Evan, you were created by God specifically and uniquelly. I have always dreamed of having nieces and nephews and you are one of the precious ones that I have dreamed of. I'm so glad that you are part of our family now. I cry as I write this and love you even though I haven't met you. Here is a video just for you little one! (Sb, enlarge this for him!)

Ubi caritas

2009-04-07T06:12:00.000-07:00

I forgot how much I loved singing Latin until I started singing this piece in church choir. The language is clear and pure. The vowels are consistent and every word is like a rock- so many other words are derived from Latin. Enjoy this text- I love it and love singing it.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Congregavit nos in unum Christi amor.
Exultemus, et in ipso jucundemur.
Timeamus, et amemus Deum vivum.
Et ex corde diligamus nos sincero.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.

Where charity and love are, God is there.
Christ’s love has gathered us into one.
Let us rejoice and be pleased in Him.
Let us fear, and let us love the living God.
And may we love each other with a sincere heart.
Where charity and love are, God is there.

Odds and Ends

2009-03-30T04:45:00.000-07:00

I have more random things to share about what I have observed and experienced over here so I will do a list style again:

Yellow Radishes- with almost every meal you might get when you go out to a Korean restaurant, the meal is served with kimchi and this yummy, crunchy, kind of sweet, big, sliced yellow radish. I have never seen them outside of Korea. A lot of my friends don't like them, but I love them! They are often put into Gimbap as well which is one of my favorite Korean foods. Gimbap is sort of like sushi (but don't call it that here, because that is a Japanese term!). It is rice and all sorts of vegetables, sometimes crab or Spam (I guess they use Spam a lot here! Another thing I never had until I came here) and is wrapped in seaweed. Very cheap and yummy!

The Fashion- I never would have thought this, but Korean fashion has Bonnie written all over it! It is so cute- girly and frilly, and kind of old fashioned. There's a lot of ruffles and flowy shirts and some lace and leggings and pretty scarves and of course high heels on every woman. Everywhere are the cutest clothing stores with decent prices and I want to buy everything! A typical outfit for a woman here is a cute long shirt with an equally cute smaller jacket, leggings, high heels and a great bag. I find myself wanting to imitate this look (I'm truly a sheep) but can't afford to buy many new things and I don't want to look exactly like everyone else- I already look different- I'm a foreigner and I embrace it!

Old Korean Men in Subways- Old men in subways don't like young foreign women. The other day one man snatched a hand hold thing (when you're standing on a subway, what you hold to not tip over) right from Brittney's hand. Another demanded the seat of a different girl next to us. Our friend John said they don't like the way foreigners dress. Grouchy!

Dunkin Donuts- DD is HUGE in Korea! It is a hot spot and there is one on every corner. They are trendy and bright and hip with white, orange and pink as their signature colors. We were at a big mall the other day and on a Saturday night Dunkin Donuts was packed with young people! Other big American chains over here are Starbucks, Burger King, McDonalds, Baskin Robbins, Quiznos, 7-11 and Coldstone.

Masks- You know the face masks that doctors and nurses wear? Well regular people wear them here all over the place just walking around! It is yellow dust season (yellow dust is pollution coming down from China! Come on China, that's gross. Get with it) so the volume of people wearing them is higher now but people do wear them year round. A few of my friends wear them and I actually have one too but I haven't worn it yet. I'm wondering if my sore throat and cough is from yellow dust or just a cold. I don't know. But the mask thing was creepy at first like there's a deathly plague or virus in the air or something. But now I'm used to it. Oh and you can never forget your umbrella here when it rains because it is acid rain!! Now I am for sure dying of cancer or a flesh eating virus....

Military Drill- I experienced my first military drill a few weeks ago. It wasn't that big of a deal. We dismissed the kids a little early that day cause we knew it was happening and that our street would be closed. But it was basically a lot of loud sirens and a military man speaking something in Korean over the loud speakers for a long time. To us who don't understand it was just sort of annoying. But if they're helpful, I'll gladly endure. I don't know if Koreans think they're helpful though.....I think they are more tired of all the attention that North Korea gets every year for false scares that never come true. Let's hope it stays that way....

DVD and Boardgame Cafes- These are just different businesses and forms of entertainment that I think are cool here. DVD cafes are big where you can go and pick out a movie or bring your own to watch on a private screen in private rooms. Although the rumor is, what happens in those private rooms is very "private." Also at Boardgame cafes you can go have your coffee and snack and pick from a wide assortment of games to play with your friends. My family should have thought of this business a long time ago!

Lunch for $1- Every Sunday after church Brittney and I go to this delicious little restaurant and have lunch for literally 75 cents! It's Gimbap (what I mentioned above) which comes with two side dishes and soup for only 1000won (which is like 75 cents). Amazing! Eating out is so cheap here. I love it. Why cook?

Expenside fruits/vegetables- While eating out is cheap buying things in the grocery store can be expensive. One apple would be more than that whole meal I described above. It sucks. I love my fruits and veggies so I buy them anyway but they are expensive. I usually get a big head of broccoli to steam, a handful of cherry tomatoes, 4 our 5 apples and maybe some mandarin oranges.

Spice!- I typically don't like spicy food too much but I think I'm getting used to it! The last couple of times that we have gone out I think I ordered the spiciest thing on the menu. And one time it was long noodles and a hot piece of spice flung into my eye! I thought I was going to die. I had to go to the bathroom to take care of that one. Oh that hurt. And water here is served in these small tin cups that you have to go up to the water dispenser to fill it every time. I get up a lot to fill my cup!

Public bath- I didn't blog after I went to the public bath last weekend. It is such a cultural thing! I kept thinking, no one I know in America would come to a common bath to bathe together! I mean all the ladies are walkin around naked, carrying on their business like nothin was different. And they are washing themselves mind you.....EVERYWHERE! Me and Alix joined in the fun and we both really liked it actually (whoa, that sounded kind of sketchy!). I mean, we didn't particularly love the personal views but the services were nice- hot tubs of different temps, saunas, showers, massages if you want (naked yes!) etc. We marched in with our foreigner bodies without a care and relaxed- I'm sure I will go again!

That's it for now.....Anyeong!
-Bonnie

pictures above: typical Korean menu with life sized, 3-D examples of what the food looks like, popular Dunkin' Donuts, and me rockin the chopsticks!

Mars Hill on ABC

2009-03-26T05:16:00.001-07:00

My church in Seattle where I am still a member (Mars Hill Church) and my pastor have been in the media a lot recently. Let's just say Mars Hill is all about Jesus and the truths of the Bible that aren't so popular in our society. Pastor Mark does not shy away from proclaiming these truths. MH has over 8000 members in one of the least churched cities in America. People are flocking to these truths because they are life changing. The humility, creativity, community and Biblical theology are my favorite things about MH. God has blessed me immensely there and my relationship with Christ was reformed and became my own there. Anyway, there will be another Mars Hill appearance on ABC Nightline on Thursday the 26th at 11:30 pm if you are interested in watching. It is a debate filmed at MH about the existence of Satan with Pastor Mark and others. I can't wait to watch it online! Here are some links:

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Nightline/story?id=7071125&page=1

http://blog.marshillchurch.org/

1 month!

2009-03-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

Today is officially the mark of my first month in Korea. Wow, how did that happen? It's encouraging though because a year still seems like a long time. I talked to family today which was great. My dad asked how I was really doing and of course I say good, which is mostly true but I do have moments of hardship- just like everyone does. On Sundays I ponder a lot because I have time to myself before and after church and a long subway ride home alone.

I found myself randomly crying a lot this week for reasons very strange and unexpected. I'm not sad all the time- on the contrary I'm very excited and content most of the time but I have moments that just hit me when I start to think of certain things. One night I was crying thinking of my friend who just died a month ago, one after a sermon I listened to about Jesus on the cross and one just thinking of me. I know, that sounds depressing and self-centered but I was reflecting on who God made me to be, how I strayed from that for awhile and now I know God is changing me again here for something more. It's humbling, scary, and many other things I can't express.

One of the hard things is not knowing what his plans are for me. I am thinking about that more tonight after hearing my new pastor's testimony tonight. There was a meet and greet for new comers to the church and we all met him and talked with him for awhile. He shared his life story which was awesome but all in all he never thought he would move to Korea (his ethnicity is Korean but he grew up in the States) and live here for the rest of his life but God had a specific calling for him to plant a church here with missions as a concentration. So I'm like, hmmmm, Lord why do you really have me here? I can see some of the obvious reasons but are there even greater reasons I can't see yet? Only he knows. That is hard for me sometimes, as I'm sure it is for everyone at some time or another. I mean a lot of the time I just want to be married and have kids. Why hasn't my time come, why am I so unlovable-- boo hoo hoo or
"why me?" as my dad would say. I usually don't let myself dwell on those feelings very much even though I feel them sometimes but I have learned that it's okay to be honest and sad about how you're truly feeling. I know I am blessed with many people in my life who love me and who I can love. But sometimes I wonder, why is my life so different from how I want or imagine or from my loved ones around me? Why all the mystery?

I was emotional tonight thinking of how far I've come with all of that. Oh the stupid choices I made and ways I would have compromised if God hadn't been gracious in protecting me. Oh how I threw fits and whined when I didn't get my way once again. Now I trust and just want to have Godly wisdom that comes with age. My heart is okay with how things are and I'm so grateful to God for getting me here and for the new things he is doing. For me this is a profound place to be- to honestly have that trust in him and not just say that I do and this has evoked much emotion lately. I feel myself experiencing that true heart change that comes with true salvation. Your desires become anew- I was living for myself before, now I'm living for Christ and I'm seeing how that is living out. I have the opportunity to be completely anew here- new schedule, people, job, church, choices, decisions- everything. I feel like I'm building a new foundation and I'm so blessed to have this time.

Thanks for reading my rambles and maybe I've talked about this stuff before but this is me right now. Thanks for loving me and all your support- whoever is reading this. I know my thoughts and experiences aren't any more profound than anyone else's so I appreciate those that care. I just feel very different sometimes. And I have learned that I don't tend to regurgitate information about myself when talking to people unless I'm asked. But here, I'm kind of journaling to myself a little bit I guess and am alone with these thoughts. Love to all- B

The life of a foreigner.....

2009-03-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

I guess I've done a lot since I last really wrote. Hmm, where to begin. I've been here for 3 weeks now! Crazy! I have gone out and seen some new stuff which has been great. I will mention a few:

Insadong- Last weekend Brittney took me to the traditional Korean village of Insadong. It is geared towards tourists so it has many souvenir shops and such but it is very cute. We saw a street parade (see my video on Facebook), found a perfect coffee/tea shop for a warm snack and drink, shopped in a neat square with artsy, original shops, painted our own mugs and I had my first dinner where you sit on the floor with the low tables! The food, service, and price were excellent. It was the first time really that I saw other foreigners on the street and heard English! It was very exciting! All in all, it was a great day and I know I will be back to Insadong to buy some gifts and souvenirs. (see facebook for pics!)

Church- Brittney also took me to her church called Jubilee. It is about a 45 min subway ride but today we took a bus which was shorter (about 30 min). I like the church a lot. I mean, it's not Mars Hill (but no place really is like Mars Hill!) but I really appreciated many things about it. The sermon was great- Biblical, engaging, humble, honest. And I wasn't as familiar with the music or used to the worship style, but I caught on and liked it. The pastor and most of the staff are Korean but they speak excellent English (a good part of them grew up in the states). Many foreigners go to this church- mostly all teachers like me! The congregation is young and there are many ways to get involved. I am grateful for this chance at fellowship with new friends and believers and am glad I found this church early on. I met the choir director by chance and she invited me to join them for Good Friday and Easter. So I rehearsed with them tonight and it was pretty good. I'm just grateful for the chance to sing!

Boogie Woogie- So Brittney is really into swing dancing and is really good at it. She goes almost every weekend to a number of swing joints in Seoul. Swing dancing is really popular here believe it or not! So I went with her on Friday and had sooo much fun! I think I was constantly smiling the whole time cause the music and the dancing and the spirit is just so infectious. I was pretty intimidated cause everyone there could dance really well but there were a few guys who asked me to dance and helped me with the basics. I would try to tell them, "this is my first time, I'm not very good!" I think they understood.....:-) But this one guy just kept whispering in my ear, 1, 2, box step, 1, 2, box step and was very helpful! The main steps are easy to get but it's the extra fancy stuff that I need to learn. Luckily girls just need to follow the guy's lead- they have the hardest part! This one guy from church went with us and he is new to it as well and I think we might take lessons! It's just so much fun (see video on facebook!)

Venturing Out- Yesterday I went all by myself on a really long subway to north Seoul to check out a St. Patrick's Day festival. SPD isn't normally celebrated in Korea so it was a bunch of foreigners basically standing around drinking Guinness listening to bagpipes! I got a few pics and then went shopping. I didn't buy anything but just walked around some markets and enjoyed the scenery. On the subway this little Korean boy was sitting next to me and when he noticed me he smiled and started practicing his English with me. He was pretty little and so I was very entertained as he was telling me stories and asking me questions and teaching me some Korean words! I think everyone around was entertained to by the foreigner and the little boy in conversation too. He was very cute and I will never forget little Daniel. I sat in a coffee shop for a while to rest, people watch and ponder......sometimes it still seems crazy that I'm in Korea and so far from home! But I always come to realize how lucky I am for this experience. Oh, I also stumbled into (almost literally!) a squatter toilet. I opened the bathroom stall only to find a porcelain hole in the ground (see pic.....I knew you guys would want to see this!) It was interesting.....that's all I will say about that!

Noraebang- After my adventure I was very tired and took like a 4 hour nap and then got a knock on my door from friends to go with them to dinner (yummy Mexican which I have missed so much!) and to noraebang which is Korean karaoke where you have your own private room with your friends. It was so much fun. I busted out some Britney, Backstreet Boys, JLo, High school musical.....you know, really quality music (see pic)! Alix's parents were with us from Toronto and shared in the fun and the crowded cab ride home ( I had to sit on Alix's lap!)

I am loving the adventure and chance to see and experience new things and meet new people. That's what I love most about being here. I do miss home and my family but I know this is just going to be a special, out of the ordinary kind of year for me that I will never forget!

p.s. Shoes. Every woman here has amazing shoes- high heels or boots- and they walk around the cemented city in them. This baffles me.....how do they all do it and not die from foot pain? I feel really sheepish when I glance down at my worn sneakers when I'm sight seeing! There is a time for cute heels, but dude, I'm not walking a million miles around the city in them!

park pics!

2009-03-11T05:43:00.001-07:00

Here are some pics of the kids at the park right across the street from our school. The power was out in the building for an hour and it was sunny so we went out! Here are their names:

1. Justin

2. sweet Sam

3. Sarah

4. Jason and Grace

5. Justin and huge Joseph!

The kids

2009-03-11T05:19:00.001-07:00

So here is a video of my class- the Red Bears. Have you ever seen such a quiet kindergarten class drawing to Chopin? That's right, that's how cool my class is! You will see they can all write their English names (can write a lot more than that actually) and are great artists. They love to draw and color. Here they were drawing on the front of their Weekly Journal covers. I mention getting a button- I have this incentive jar that I fill with a button whenever they are being good and/or trying their best to speak English. They will get a reward whenever they fill it to a certain mark. Enjoy!

"Ok, Big English!"

2009-03-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

I can't write a lot right now cause it's past the bed time I set for myself and I'm trying to be strict! I guess, not strict enough! But I just wanted to share this funny story. I have this little boy in my class named Sam who is so smiley and lovey. Sometimes he just grabs my face and pulls it close into his so we are nose to nose and just smiles at me! I love it! Well, I like to play with them on the floor sometimes and today we were being kind of rough and silly acting like monsters and such. We have an English only rule in the class and so whenever the kids start speaking English we say, "English please!" So we were being silly and Sam and this other boy started talking in Korean and I said in a monster voice, "English please!" Sam charges back at me saying in a growly voice, "Ok, Big English!"

Finished apartment

2009-03-05T05:45:00.000-08:00

My class, transportation, language

2009-03-05T05:22:00.000-08:00

I went on the subway for the first time tonight with Brittney. It was cool and I will probably use it a lot. It wasn't even peak time and I thought it was crowded though! We went to a place called Samsung Plaza which has really ritzy shopping and then this busy, bright street with sooo many stores in these complexes. I should have brought my camera because the magnitude of the lights still amaze me here. But I will go back. We had dinner at this cheap place and then went to a bookstore where I bought a Korean workbook for kids ages 3-6 but it's basic alphabet stuff which is what I need! I want to be able to read. I also saw my first foreigner there! While talking with Brittney we realized we both go to church and she goes to this big Christian church here where many foreigners go so I'm anxious to go to that with her. Going outside of Yatap (my neighborhood in Bundang) tonight got me excited again for all the things I have yet to see. So many! I haven't even been into Seoul yet.....this weekend I will. I can't wait. Oh I also took a taxi with the other girls today because it was so rainy. It was the first time in my life that I have ever been in a taxi!

School has been good this week. Well, with the kids it's been good. But I've been rather anxious about knowing what to teach them. There is a curriculum to use but it's too easy for most of the kids so I feel like I have this huge responsibility to teach them well. But Maple Bear is designed to be a conversational, fun, arts school......not so strictly academic like many of the other English schools here. So everyone says I'm worrying too much and to just have fun. I want to find a balance. It's the real teacher stuff like assessment that is hard for me. I can manage and engage the kids but right now it's hard for me to know exactly what their English levels are. So I individually took them aside today to go over their letter sounds. All but two had them down pretty solid.

I have two classes. A morning kindergarten which is from 9:30-2:00 and I have 12 students in that class- 6 girls, 6 boys. Perfect! Then I have a part time kindergarten from 3:00-5:00 Monday-Thursday. Their English levels are far lower. I have to talk slowly and clearly and explain a lot with my hands. Talking to these kids is different than talking to American students. I have to be careful how I phrase things or they won't understand. My students all have given English names so names we are all used to like Sam, Sarah, Rachel, Stanley, Joseph, Jason, Justin, Amy, Ellie, Tony, Grace, Daniel, Harry, Brad and a Binnie! We always joke about our Binnie/Bonnie relationship. The kids call me Miss Bonnie but it sounds like Miss Boney or Miss Barney or they call me "Boney teacher". It is really fascinating to me to hear their little voices speaking such fast, fluent Korean. It seems like such a complicated language to me, but I know for them it's just second nature like English is to us. I always wonder if people are as fascinated hearing me speak English in public. I don't take speaking English for granted now. Each language is a gift and an art. I wish I knew more! I will post some pics of the classroom and the kids later. They are very sweet and I love them already.

chopsticks, school, tv

2009-03-02T02:35:00.000-08:00

I ate by myself tonight at a Korean restaurant across the street. I expected it to be kind of empty like it was last time Brittney and I went there but I walked in and it was full of Korean men! It was a little intimidating but I found a table and marked on the menu what I wanted (good think Brittney showed me what to mark or else I would have no idea!). I had this rice bowl with veggies and a fried egg on top and some spicy side dishes that came with it. I'm getting better at using chopsticks though. I got about 2/3 of the way through my meal using them and my fingers just got tired! I guess I haven't built up my chopstick muscles yet but I will.

I had my second day of Maplebear orientation for all the new teachers around Seoul today. MB has about 9 schools around the Seoul area and so this training was for everyone new. So I got to meet the new teachers from the other schools including this guy from Seattle! (he lives in Portland now). It was fun to talk about our favorite Seattle places. Hopefully we will go do some exploring together. But I was the only person from the Bundang school there cause our other new girl Tracy doesn't arrive til Friday. Joe drove me the half hour each way to get there. Then I came back to my school to put the finishing touches on my classroom with Amber. She is so sweet and helpful to me. I think we will be a good pair.

So now I'm working on my lesson plans. There is a curriculum to use but we often need to supplement because some of the kids are way beyond the curriculum level. But I'm going to start simple to see where their English skill levels are. We're doing an Introduction to Red Bear unit and I will go over the new rules for our classroom this week and do some get to know you stuff, and establish some routines. It's kind of fun thinking of what to do but you also never know how well it will go or how much time activities will really take. I guess that's what I'll learn.

The weather has been chilly but sunny here. I'm so anxious to get out and explore more of the city and Seoul. But I'm focusing on the teaching right now until I feel really comfortable with it and then I'll do more exploring. I'm kind of the organizational freak like that who needs everything perfectly ready (even though I'm good at being flexible in the moment too). I figured out (with a little help from my friends) how to watch some TV over here so I stayed in my apartment all day yesterday and watched the Lost that I missed and The Bachelor that I missed. I can't wait for the finale!! I also hooked up my Korean cable (I have lots of channels and I found one English channel and I watched Harry Potter!), finished all my unpacking yesterday, did some laundry and listened to a few sermons (it was Sunday!). I want to establish a good weekly and daily routine for myself to follow and then do my exploring on the weekends. Here we go!

Things I've Learned Thus Far

2009-02-28T05:44:00.001-08:00

I keep thinking of things throughout the day to write about and I know I will forget some now, but oh well, they will eventually come to me. I will just bullet some of the things I have learned so far.

-Intersections here are enormous! Like 4 or 5 lanes for each direction. So crossing the street is a very long task. Often you see people running to make the green cross sign because you have to wait forever for the next one to come!

-Many Korean desserts are made from sweet potatoes or rice! I had a sweet potato cake yesterday and it was really good (but I love sweet potatoes). The consistency is thicker but looking at it you wouldn't think sweet potatoes.

-Koreans consider themselves to be age 1 at the day of their birth. So if they say they are 10 years old, they are really 9. I have a 7 year old kindergarten class but they are really 6.

-Often Korean couples will wear matching shirts.....I think it's cute!

-Whenever you enter a building you must take your shoes off and slip on a provided pair of slippers at the door. Even in your apartment. I'm still learning to remember to slip into my slippers every time I come home, but I'm getting more used to it. So at school I get to teach in slippers! And you have to change into the special bathroom slippers when you go to the bathroom!

-The usual utensils provided at a meal are chopsticks and a spoon. The spoon is for the usual soup provided at each meal. I'm still not very good at chopsticks but I'm trying and seem to be getting a little better. Sometimes the kids think it's funny when you drop one!

-Motorcycles can drive on the sidewalks here because they are often delivering something......watch out!

-Koreans love American music, but often a decade too late. Like my friend Joe played for me some of his favorite American music in the car and on comes "I Swear"! I laughed and said, "I forget who even sings this." He said quickly "All 4 One." On the bus I heard the song "More than Words" playing on the sound system and a boy at school always sings the song "I Believe I Can Fly" because it's his dad's cell phone ringer! I do hear recent American hits often playing in stores though. Like "Cyclone" was playing near the subway today and I loved it!

-All Korean men are required to serve two years in the military. The positions can be for many government services however like the police or an office or something. Many men flee to mostly the U.S. if they want to avoid having to serve. But you can't come back to Korea if you don't agree to serve when you come back.

That's all I can remember for now. I forgot to write about how I went to get my medical check-up this week to prove that I'm not a druggie or have AIDS before I can get my Alien Registration Card. It was an interesting experience. Joe took me to this hospital that used to only be for police or firemen. Now it's open to everyone and the service was very quick and efficient. They must have many people needing to take tests like these because they had sequential rooms set up for you to just go down the row. The first room they took my height, weight and checked my eyesight and hearing. Then I had to pee in a cup (and Joe accompanied me to every room to help interpret and it was sort of funny coming out with my cup of pee in front of him!). Next I had my blood drawn. Then they took an x-ray of my chest area. Then they took my blood pressure and the nurse had me read on a piece of paper (cause she didn't know how to say it) "How is your health?" I said fine and we were done! I was impressed and am looking forward to getting more cheap and nice medical and dental services. Why can't it be that easy in the U.S.?!

Street pics

2009-02-26T04:13:00.000-08:00

Sorry for all the posts at once but I have some time and I thought you might be curious. These I just took from going across the street to get a pizza. The fish are just out on the street like this....they belong to the restaurant inside the door....you can order fresh fish and they get it from right outside! Practically all the food here has seafood in it. Good thing I love seafood! But I'm not sure about the octopus legs that are in every lunch at school.....it's kinda rubbery! English and American things are all around.....like the pic of the 7-11 on the corner. I got excited walking around by myself tonight....it's so bright and alive everywhere. Even though I'm a loner and haven't seen one non-Asian since I got here (besides the other teachers) I'm doing alright!

My view

2009-02-26T04:02:00.000-08:00

Here are just a few pictures of my view and across the street at night. It is so bright and busy here all the time. I really live in the city now! The top pic is actually the view of my apartment from across the street. My windows are in the 2nd row from the top (I really live on the 7th floor....apartment 722!) We live above Paris Baguette.....an amazing bakery which always makes the elevator smell good!

Apartment Tour!

2009-02-26T03:34:00.000-08:00

First Korea Pics

2009-02-26T03:27:00.000-08:00

So here are a few pics of my apartment when I first moved in. I have changed it since but these were my first impressions..... It was filthy when I first got here. I have done a lot of cleaning. The other teachers already notice how much better it smells since the last guy lived here. But the other teachers also say dust builds up so quickly here.

Note my shower! It is right beside my toilet with no curtain or door so yes, my toilet gets drenched whenever I shower. I guess it's an easy way to clean it? :-)

I will post a video with a tour that I just made. If it doesn't work on blogger I will post it on Facebook....or both so look for it!

My first day

2009-02-24T04:12:00.000-08:00

I'm just gonna write random things because I'm so tired and my brain is overwhelmed. I had a good day though. I went to my school (it is called Maple Bear) and had a very nice welcome from the staff there. The school is in the bottom of a business type building in the city but is remodeled very modern like for the school. I went into all the classrooms and the kids said hi- they are cute. The classroom sizes are small which is very cool- I think I will have 8 in my class. I met my class- they are all moving up from Junior kindergarten to Senior kindergarten which is what I will teach. I will have the Red Bear room and will get to set it up on Friday. I met my TP (teaching partner) and she is so sweet. Her name is Amber and she is Korean and new to the school. I had coffee with the director of the school at this cute coffee shop. They understood the word Americano so I think I will be ok!
I'm taking over my class from my new friend Brittney who lives down the hall and showed me around today. 3 other girls also live in this building. We went shopping after school at a place called Home Plus- kind of like K-Mart or something. I got some stuff I needed- a towel, food, soap, detergent, etc. And she helped me carry my tons of stuff the few huge blocks back to our building and of course one of my bags broke! But we handled it- had to stop a few times a long the way for a rest. Getting used to the money is weird....I got out 100,000 won at the airport. That is a little less than $100 US dollars. I guess the value is going down though.
We had a dinner at a cute little place just across the street- I can see it from my window. I had traditional Korean food which Amber ordered for me. It was good. Kim chi (spelling?) is a little too spicy for me though. Eating out here is cheap....I paid 4,500 won which is like $4.50 for a good dinner.
I couldn't sleep in this morning cause of the time difference. I am 17 hours ahead. So I had like 4 hours before Joe picked me up to work on my place. Joe is the one who picked me up from the airport. His whole job is to help the teachers coming over and to set up everything for them over here. He's is nice and I'm grateful to have him. But this place is filthy- very dusty and the floor needs mopping very badly. It's a fine place but a boy lived here before me and you know how that goes. I rearranged a little and watched some Friends.
I still can't quite believe I'm here. There are a lot of things different but many the same as well. Most of the buildings are tall and it is so bright with neon signs everywhere! We walked through the subway station which is very cool. That part and big courtyards reminded me of Barcelona. I keep thinking how glad I am that I have traveled internationally before this. I think I would be much more scared if I hadn't. I will be fine. I miss home and all of you when I think of it but am very overwhelmed with all the new stuff right now. I am grateful for the friends I have already met. Everyone has been very nice and welcoming. And I get to wear slippers everywhere! I will post pics tomorrow. Right now I'm too tired to look for my camera cord!
Love to all~

Hello Korea!

2009-02-23T04:25:00.000-08:00

I'm just posting that I made it to Korea. I'm sitting in my tiny apartment in Bundang with the sounds of the city very loud out my window. The flight was great....I flew Korean Air and it was so fancy! A nice man picked me up and drove me the 2 hours to my place. We had nice conversation and I met a fellow teacher already from Florida who is very informative and helpful. I'm so tired but also anxious to put this place together.....a guy lived here before me and it could use a little more cleaning! You won't believe the shower....so weird! I will post more later. Whoa, I live in Korea!

Life

2009-02-19T15:12:00.000-08:00

Have you ever read a note from someone or saw a picture of someone or just remembered something about someone and then a few days or weeks later they were gone? This has happened to me twice. Once when my Grandma Riley died: 2 weeks exactly before she died she wrote me a birthday card and sent it along with a package of her clothes to give me. Then a week after that I received the package and had fun showing my friends the new additions to my wardrobe :-) And then a week after that she died. It was so weird. She was so dear and present and then gone.
This also happened to me this week. As I have been packing my stuff up to move I have been going through it as well. I was looking at the pile of all my cards and drawings from students and their parents. I read a very sweet card from one of the parents at Sweet Pea. She was sad I was leaving the school but was happy for me and wanted me to keep in touch as I traveled. Her son was in my class and his picture is on my bulletin board. I just found out this morning that she was killed in a car accident yesterday. I can hardly wrap my brain around it. I was going to write her an email before I left. I am so heart broken. I loved her and her boys (she has twin 5 year old boys) and I have missed them. I can't imagine what their life will be like now and my prayers are with their family. I will miss Christy. She was such a loving mother.

I know that death could come knocking at any time but it's hard remembering that as we live day to day. And I feel we have been so fortunate in our family not to have experienced a tragedy such as this. But as I travel far away into the unknown I want my family to know that my life's biggest joy has been to be immersed in your lives. I am so blessed by my parents and their generosity and continued help and support. My sisters are my best friends and it has been wonderful growing closer to my brother as we get older. I don't say it enough how much I love you, family. We have been through so much together and it's been a joy sharing our journeys and the closeness that comes from sharing the same roots. And watching our family grow with the new kids has been an even bigger blessing. I am so priveleged to be Aunt Bonnie and I love my nieces and nephews more than anything. Thank you siblings for letting me be so close to them.

I hope that when you guys think of me you think of my love for you and for Christ. That's all that matters!

poem

2009-02-08T13:03:00.000-08:00

Days
by Billy Collins

Each one is a gift, no doubt,
mysteriously placed in your waking hand
or set upon your forehead
moments before you open your eyes.

Today begins cold and bright,
the ground heavy with snow
and the think masonry of ice,
the sun glinting off the turrets of clouds.

Through the calm eye of the window
everything is in its place
but so precariously
this day might be resting somehow

on the one before it,
all the days of the past stacked high
like the impossible tower of dishes
entertainers used to build on stage.

No wonder you find yourself
perched on the top of a tall ladder
hoping to add one more.
Just another Wednesday,

you whisper,
then holding your breath,
place this cup on yesterday's saucer
without the slightest clink.

Who wants me?

2009-02-04T19:22:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! My name is Allie and I'm a cute and mellow box turtle. I like to hide in dark corners, dig in the dirt, take baths (in warm and shallow water) and eat fruits and veggies of all sorts! Sometimes I'm shy when I first meet people and I hide in my shell, but eventually I come out! My adventurous mom is moving away for a year and I need someone to stay with while she is gone! I'm super sad she is leaving. She has been my adopted mother since she hid me illegally in her dorm in 2004! But I am excited to play with my aunts, uncles, cousins or grandma and grandpa while she is gone. I would hardly be an imposition. Just keep me watered, feed me every other day, and shine warm UV rays on my back during the day (my mom will give you her lamp). Occasionally give me a bath or let me walk around- just don't forget that I'm out and step on me or leave me cold in a corner. My mom has never done this so I really don't know what that would be like, but I can imagine it would be horrible! Please love me! (Sometimes I feel a little overshadowed by my huge cousin Brigitta so I need extra love!)

Lessons from "Moonstruck"

2009-01-26T00:49:00.000-08:00

Mary and I have a subscription to Netflix which we love and one of the great perks of Netflix is that you can watch movies instantly on their site. And it works beautifully with my new computer. I have already watched Step Up 2 The Streets twice! I think it's my new favorite movie. I would give anything to dance like that! I think I will start lessons tomorrow. And today I watched Moonstruck for the first time with Cher and Nicolas Cage. Ok, I normally really dislike both of those people, but I liked them both in this movie! Nicolas Cage is younger and kinda good-looking in a weird way that I can't figure out. And Cher does a surprisingly good job acting in this. Anyway, I realized as I was watching this movie that I have made a huge breakthrough in my life......
There is a part in this movie where Cher has the choice to either "go upstairs" with Nicolas Cage (he is the estranged younger brother of the man she just got engaged to) or do what she knows is right and walk away. Now many fantasies in my young, naive, romantic brain have sprung from movie moments like these. I have always been a sucker for any romantic scene in a movie- who isn't really? But I have sometimes (when I was little, of course) imagined these scenes in my head happening with me and the boy I was in love with at the time- Michael Nunes or Peter Isaacson or Ryan Plummer or Joey Leroy or Nick May or Noel Crane or Simon Cowell or any of the thousands of others I have been in love with. I usually always want the two people in question to end up together no matter how wrong it may be. I usually just overlooked the wrongness for the romance.

Well, I have grown up folks! I actually found myself wanting Cher to walk away. I wanted her to make the right decision! I could foresee the damage and heartbreak that her selfishness would cause. I saw that situation as a parallel to decisions we face everyday- where the right choice and the wrong, but very tempting choice, are right before us. Too many times have I chosen the wrong and tempting choice, let me tell ya. I would often use any excuse to justify my decisions and now I just see that as selfish and whiny and disgusting. There are no excuses for blatant sin. We always have an out and that is the help of the Spirit within us.

Well, my inkling in the movie didn't pan out- she ended up going up with Nicolas Cage and they actually fell in love and the man she was engaged to called it off before she could even tell him about being with his brother. So it all seemed fine and that bad decisions are ok especially if "true love" wins in the end. But I'm not falling for that any more Hollywood! I actually loved another part of the movie where Cher's mom (Olympia Dukakis) who was neglected by her husband and being cheated on herself was in the very same predicament as her daughter. She could have invited in a nice gentleman who walked her home from a dinner that she ate alone. But she said no, because she was married. She then confronted her husband on his cheating and gracefully offered her love when he apologized. Mmmmmm.....that's the stuff! Forgiveness, grace, faithfulness- what is better than that?

More Christmas pics

2009-01-26T00:40:00.001-08:00

Here are some more Christmas pics but from Klamath Falls this time:

1) Me and Mom and Dad on Christmas morn (well, more like afternoon when we could actually open presents.....I hate having to wait! Oh, the sorrows of everyone else being married.....

2) Kyle, Becky, Briggs and I! (Buddy, don't be jealous.....)

3) Briggs (I mean Briggita) the wonder tortoise having her Christmas meal

4) Our back yard and the tree my Grandpa planted

Christmas pics

2009-01-26T00:25:00.001-08:00

Here are some pics from Christmas time in Tacoma:

1) Travis trying to blow up his new whoopee cushion

2) An Eric tree

3) Travis playing peek-a-boo with Ada

4) Sb and Mel reading with Ethan and Jayna

5) All the kids together!

Teaching reflections

2009-01-21T00:40:00.001-08:00

Man, I stay up way too late with this lap top in my bed! I have been uploading all my cds into my Zune program (Microsoft's version of ITunes) and onto my Zune. It has taken a lot of time. And I'm uploading all of my pictures and documents and such from Mary's computer. I feel so grateful to have this. It feels nice to have all of my stuff concisely on this one little machine. And I enjoy getting to watch videos on this thing. Mary's computer was too slow to watch videos. So I have been watching episodes and You Tube and sermons from the Mars Hill site. I love it.

I leave for Korea in a month or so. Sometimes I forget I'm going and I think of it and can't believe it! Everything over there will be new for me- new apartment, city, friends, church- everything, including my job (oh yeah, the reason I'm going!). Last week was a really hard week subbing- but I'm grateful for the experiences because it has really got me thinking about having my own classroom. This may sound selfish, but I'm ready to not just be the replacement. When I sub, I'm never the person the kids want to see. I'm a stranger and they really don't care about how I think of them. When I'm with Waverly and Tallulah, I'm not their mom. I'm their friend but usually they would rather have their mom there (the way it should be). But last week I got fed up with it. A student said they didn't like me and that I was ugly behind my back, a kid hit me with his backpack and kicked my papers, and Waverly in a moment of rage told me he wished I was dead. Awesome. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I was so fed up with it all! I can usually brush off comments that kids make because I know they don't mean them half the time and just don't have perspective. But last week it just started to wear on me.

I have been reflecting on how I am in the classroom that could be better. Subbing is hard I know, and I don't often see how the kids normally behave when their regular teachers are there. But I do see how I behave and react. Sometimes I'm not fun. I have been dealing with these small power struggles. I need to be tough at times to have classroom management but sometimes they simply don't listen or respect because either I'm not engaging enough or they just plain don't want to listen. Then I get frustrated and get a headache when I have to talk so loud and start to show my frustration. I consider myself pretty patient when I sub- kids are constantly trying to tell me how their teacher normally does it and how I'm doing it wrong. I try to be welcoming of their help and suggestions but sometimes I just get sick of it.

The point of all this rambling is to say that I'm really grateful for the chance to have my own classroom and students where I make the rules and set an atmosphere for learning. I'm trying to take what I see and decide the most important things that I want to establish. And I'm grateful for the chance to improve upon my behaviors as a teacher. I certainly have so much to learn. I'm actually praying that God will show me if this is what I want to do forever. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a good teacher at all. I know I haven't really had a fair chance but still..... I know I have an inherent love for the students no matter how they treat me or act out. They are all unique with such special gifts. I want to effectively bring those things out. I know that will take time and effort to learn to do. I also know that God loves the kids way more than me and I'm praying to be an instrument for his love and teachings. I would be no good at anything at all without Him!

Ok, it's really time for bed now......maybe after an episode of Friends!

New computer!

2009-01-14T17:09:00.001-08:00

This is my first post from my brand new laptop I got today! It's amazing how this worked out- I needed to be present to sign for it and the one day that I don't have a job subbing, it's delivered and I'm present to sign! It's a Dell and it's yellow! I pray it is used for good and not useless laziness!

The truth.....

2009-01-03T23:31:00.000-08:00

As I'm preparing for Korea, I have been experiencing many feelings and emotions. Well really, the Lord has been preparing me in ways that I'm grateful for, but that have been hard.

I have been really burdened lately how much I rely on earthly things for my comfort and joy. Yes, I have had a relationship with God my whole life, but have I always completely put him first, above ALL else? Rarely. I have realized how my decisions are often selfish with my own agenda in mind. Have I truly hidden God's commandments and words in my heart? Some, but not all. I have realized that I have lacked trust in God. And has he ever given me reason not to trust him? Never! But still completely trusting him means letting go of my own plans and ideals for happiness.

So, lately, I have been aware of those comforts that I run to before I run to God. Things as simple as watching Friends, having a daily coffee, food, or like drinking alcohol, going out to bars, seeking the attention of men, and my family. I realized how much of a comfort my family is to me when I hung out with everyone for Christmas. I always feel safe and loved and accepted when I'm around them and we have so much fun. I have been non stop crying since leaving them. I know part of that is that I'm leaving for a year and won't see them and I will miss them terribly. But they won't be in Korea with me to be a refuge.

God has been teaching me to run to him first. This hasn't been coming naturally sometimes- it's definitely a leap of faith. But I'm seeing that I have been sitting comfortably in my Christianity and it's not suppose to be that way. Living for him in a sinful world isn't easy- it takes sacrifice and obedience and trust when we can't see what God is doing. But he just calls us to be faithful. I haven't always been faithful, and that's what I'm striving to be now. God has shown his relentless faithfulness to me, in the midst of much sin, in fact. I love him so much for that.

So all this to say, this has been a hard and emotional month as I have been facing my sin and letting go of things that have been normal to me. I have felt very lonely and isolated almost everyday. I have been forced to run to God to get through those moments or else I'm a depressed and crying fool who doesn't get anything done! I have never experienced these kind of depressing feelings before. But I know that God just isn't letting me be satisfied with anything but him. And he has been so present and has shown me that I can trust him 100%. I'm SO grateful that the Lord is bringing me through this now and not in my first month of being in Korea. He is changing me and refining me and preparing me because he loves me. What a good and gracious God.

"But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works." Psalm 73:28

It's official

2008-12-17T18:40:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone. It's official....I signed a contract today to teach kindergarten in South Korea! The job is at a Canadian run school called Maple Bear. There are several of them around South Korea and the world actually. It will be much like teaching in a North American kindergarten- it's all in English. I think I have a Korean assistant if it's the student's first exposure to English. They have set curriculum they use but they give liberty to the teachers to do their own things- they really liked my music background because they like to do lots of singing there. I have a feeling it will be a lot of hard work but that's ok- I think I need to experience that professionally. They like for you to have a lesson plan to show parents everyday. Kindergarten is private in Korea so the parents are really involved. The other teachers are mostly Canadian, some American.
I get free round trip airfare, a paid single apartment (I have to pay utilities), severance pay, health insurance, 2 weeks paid vacation, 5 paid sick days, like 13 paid Korean national holidays and a good salary. School starts March 2nd so I will be leaving late February.
The school is just outside of Seoul- they said the area is nice because there is cleaner air but it's still close to the city. And the city is enormous!! There are two downtowns. My friend Grace who is from Korea said Seattle is little compared to Seoul. It's more like New York and many things stay open 24 hours.
I am scared for sure and nervous but ultimately know this will be a huge learning experience for me and a chance to fully lean on Christ as my comfort and strength. I don't even want to think about saying goodbye to anyone yet cause it makes me cry. Thinking of missing the births and first year of two new nieces or nephews is practically unbearable! Please everyone get web cams so I can talk to you in real life and see the kids faces!
Pray that all the details work out before I go- with my stuff here and money especially. Love you all....
Bon

http://www.maplebear.ca/maplebear

Harassment Anyone?

2008-12-07T22:15:00.000-08:00

So most people in the world have something in the contract or rules of their job that protects them from harassment right? Well, not me!! Nope, I'm not protected against ridiculous freakin 8th grade girls who think they're all that and have no regard whatsoever for authority!
I had the most hellish experience of my life last week subbing. First of all, I never would have even taken this job had I known the truth about it. In all honesty, I go into subbing everyday expecting something new. There are never two days alike. But the SubFinder system had messed up this day and the job I had originally taken was a mistake. So last minute as I'm driving through West Seattle early in the morning the people at the sub office are trying to find me another job. The only one available is a 4th/5th grade classroom at a school I had never been to. 4th and 5th grade are the highest grades I usually like to take. I'm just better with the little kids. I come to find out when I get to the school it's a K-8 alternative school for all the bad kids in the district and the job is actually for 8th grade social studies! Ridic. So I'm bracing myself, trying to be optimistic and strong. And it didn't help that the teacher left absolutely no lesson plans. The principal was sweet and tried to help me put something together but it was a cheesy geography worksheet I knew the kids would never take interest in doing. The first two periods went fine- well I managed. I had a conversation with a girl who said, "Yeah, the teachers in this school can't even really teach cause they just try to handle us. They just yell cause we're crazy. I haven't turned in one thing all year and still have a B in all my classes." This school was recently decided by the school board to be shut down.....
Anyway, 3rd period comes along and oh, I find out it's a drama class. Ok. What are you working on kids? Ignore, Ignore, profanity, cuss word, ignore, multiple cuss words, more profanity.... What are you working on?? Someone mumbles "Our scripts." Ok, work on your scripts! Everyone seemed to be sitting down and at least pretending to be working on something except for this one chick who is coming in and out of the classroom at her own liberty like she owns the place. I ask her a couple times what she is suppose to be doing and surprise, surprise she ignores me. She then starts yelling at these girls cause they're not doing what they're suppose to be doing. It's the most hypocritical thing I have ever seen. So I calmly tell her she has no right to be yelling at them, she hasn't done a single thing herself. And then it began..... (I'm going to use fake cuss words here but believe me, she said the real ones every time!) "You have no effin idea what you're talking about. You're just an effin sub, biotch. You're not even a real teacher. Why would we ever listen to an effin sub?" And some of her buddies start to laugh at me..... I tried to get in a word edge wise and reason with her during her rant, but that just made things worse. "My teacher said that when there's a sub I'm in charge." (right...) After way worse (I can't do her rudeness and hostility justice) I sent her to the office. On her way out her friend decides to join her and calls me a fag on the way out. Of course I'm almost crying. I was just so shocked and taken aback. I had no idea how to deal with such hostility. I had never encountered that before. I had to stand there to collect myself for a few minutes and I know I was red in the face and all the kids could tell how hard that was on me.
And then what does the office do? Send her right back. I told her I wouldn't let her back in if she was gonna treat me that way. And she says, "Oh you know I'm stronger than you biotch" and shoves the door open and marches in. She then goes on to call me immature because I'm ignoring her and continues to harass me. The principal must have walked by and heard her because he pulled her out. She later came back in and apologized which I appreciated. But I have never been treated like that, ever. And of course now I can shake it off and have some perspective but in the moment I was angry and humiliated and just wanted to run.
It takes special people to relate to kids like these and to teach them. I believe in the worth and purpose in all of them, even this girl, but as a sub especially, I can't help them. I pray for the people who can cause it's probably the hardest, most meaningful job in the world.
Melanie, I admire you for working with kids like this everyday!
I had another really hard day teaching this last week as well.........a tough 5th grade class. But I had a lot of support from other teachers and the principal. The principal actually stayed with me in the room for an hour and a half and I was able to teach a really good English lesson. If he hadn't been there, I never would have gotten through it-the kids wouldn't have listened. I might have been intimidated to teach in front of him had I known beforehand he would have been there- especially because I only glanced over the huge lesson for like 15 minutes in the morning. But it went really well.
Subbing is hard. I can handle it, but it's hard. Luckily after getting in all of my paperwork to teach overseas I have heard from three schools in two days already! It's nice to be pursued and wanted. I haven't really known what that feels like.... Now, let's pray I take the right job!